Archive for November, 2009
November 24, 2009 at 2:05 pm · Filed under dating, education, environment, family, feminism, gay rights, humor, love, personal, philosophy, random
So my friend, Deidre (of Decoybetty) was writing about the phenomenon of “relationship status” in a guest post she recently did called You’re A Lot More Than Your Relationship Status and I have to agree with her. I am constantly flabbergasted at all the people who define themselves as single, in a relationship, it’s complicated or whatever. We’re only in our 20’s, whether I’m dating someone or not really doesn’t define me.
If you want to know if I’m single or taken, you should ask because that’s not who I am. If you ask me who I am, I’d still say I’m a renegade physicist even though I haven’t done physics in years. I’d say that I’m a confused 26-year old grad student trying to figure out her consulting gig the best she can and get to where she wants to go on that crazy corporate ladder. I’d say I have a very serious relationship with Grey’s Anatomy and that I could dance all night long. I’d say that I have a penchant for wearing ties but I’ve recently discovered that wearing dresses and fitted clothing is awesome since I’ve worked really hard to get in shape. I’d also say that I love soccer even though I think I suck at it and that I’ll keep going to ballroom classes until I can some day afford to compete (at least as an amateur). I’d say that I’ve had my heart broken but that doesn’t mean I don’t believe in love and fairy tales and happily ever after. I’d say that I believe the best in people and am constantly disappointed when I get let down but I never learn that lesson and I like myself for always giving people the benefit of the doubt. I’d say that I am thoughtful and a fierce friend which are the characteristics that I value most in my friends too.
Here’s the thing, none of what I’ve described above has anything to do with whether I’m in a relationship or not. And perhaps I am a little more fierce about some bits more than others because of the fact that I very recently got my heart broken but I don’t define myself as single. I just happen to not be dating anyone, it is not a defining characteristic of my personality or even remotely who I am. In fact even when I was dating I never thought of myself as being not single. It’s just not something that I identify with. I am my own person and I would hope my partner would be as well. Perhaps when we’ve spent half our lives together I may start to consider my relationship as a defining characteristic of myself but at the moment I think my friends and my family have far more influence on who I am today than anyone I have ever dated has.
I mean I’d say I’m a feminist because I grew up with extremely strong matriarchs in my family and going to a women’s college just ingrained that further in me. I’m a cross-culture kid and I often forget this because at 26 it’s pretty much just who I am and I don’t even think about it anymore. The person I am today is made up of the environment I was brought up in, which was the huge sprawling metropolis of Houston, Texas. It’s in the Bengali that my family speaks at home and the way we flip in and out of this weird mixture between Bengali and English; as if everyone speaks both even though we live in the US. It’s in the conversations with my friends where I talk about how marriage is a “patriarchal construct” and this is “normal” because we went to a women’s college.
Quite frankly the excuse that society puts so much pressure on this is a cop out to me because aren’t we a part of society? I mean I don’t believe that who I do or do not date is really anyone’s business but my own. If I want you to know I’ll tell you, trust me. It’s pretty similar to how I feel about people asking whether I date girls or boys. If I wanted you to know, I’d tell you. I mean I don’t understand why people have this desire to be defined by whether they are in a relationship or not. Actually that’s pretty similar to how I felt in college about everyone making a big deal of coming out. I mean yes I understand it can be an empowering experience and all but there is so much more to who I am than who I date. At this point in my life I define who I am and no one else. Sure there are people who have touched my life and changed me but I’d say that my friends who I’ve known for 8+ years have probably had a more significant impact than any relationship I’ve been in.
I hear so often how we hate how the world views people who are single as if there is a stigma attached. Well, folks, we are part of society, it’s up to us to change it. If you don’t want your relationship status to be a defining characteristic then don’t let it be. I don’t talk about mine. I rarely ever have. I mean recently I was with someone long enough where I did start talking about things in we’s but I’m not there anymore and I’m ok with that. Am I going to let it define who I am? No, certainly not.
So do you like physics? Have you ever watched the sunrise over a river? Can you quote “the little prince”? Do you love 80’s music? Can you two-step (cause I might just fall in love with you in that case)? Who are you? Because I’m sure it’s more than just “single” or “in a relationship” or “married” or “it’s complicated”. At least I certainly hope so.
November 24, 2009 at 6:36 am · Filed under personal, random
Ok, so I haven’t really been much of a personal blogger but thanks to my friend, Deidre over at under the ponderosas, who I have discovered is pretty awesome. (Clearly the idea behind this experiment is genius by finding new bloggers that you actually think are pretty cool). And this is something how it went:
1. I noticed that you switched coasts so I was wondering what your thoughts are on the whole West Coast vs. East Coast phenomenon.
The beer out here is much better!
My Oregon-born niece is going to grad school in D.C. and she says no one there drinks beer. Here, I actually know a few people who brew their own.
2. What are your top 5 karaoke songs?
To be honest, the last time I saw a karaoke machine was in the mid-90s in a bar in Vilnius, Lithuania. I sing a lot, though, around the house. In the mornings I like to listen to booming orchestral music; it wakes me up. This is one of my favorites: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfQYBfdNEb8.
3. Do you believe in magic/miracles? Why or why not?
I believe that life itself is magic. I love to read (or watch or listen to) natural histories that describe the wonder of this world. Once my daughter captured a pregnant sagebrush lizard which laid eggs in a fishtank in our house. The eggs dried up and the lizard could barely move because she was so cold. Lizards need it hot. And I was all, How is it possible that lizards even exist? In Central Oregon it’s below freezing eight months of the year, and even in summer the nights can be in the 40s. So how can a lizard live? How can it find food before the temps get so low it can no longer move? It is a Great Mystery.
4. What is your favourite food?
Once when I flew to Pennsylvania to see my parents, my mom picked me up from BWI and we stopped for dinner at one of those roadside places that serve only Maryland blue crab and bread. They sat us at a picnic table and dumped a load of crabs in front of us. HEAVEN!
5. Did you always know you wanted to have kids? And what do you enjoy most about being a parent?
I always kind of figured I’d marry and have kids but, like, really far in the future. Like, when I was thirty. And then all-of-a-sudden I was TWENTY EIGHT! Which is almost thirty! And I was married! So my husband and I decided to try for kids. I knew only one person with a child at that time, and I didn’t know her well. I had absolutely no idea what I was getting into.
Now that they’re almost-8 and 5 and sleep through the night, I have to say that I just really enjoy my kids. They’re so interesting and creative and they make me laugh.
6. What is your favourite season and why?
For my husband, who’s a skiier, autumn is a season of anticipation; he greets every sign of the oncoming winter with this intense joy — like a kid counting down the days to Christmas. It’s contagious, that enthusiasm. So I like autumn for the best, too.
November 19, 2009 at 7:24 pm · Filed under beauty, personal, random, work
And sometimes when you let yourself believe, life gives you just what you need.
I spent 12 hours at work today and I came home to my roommate and his date watching tv in our living room. I had completely forgotten that he told me he had a date he was bringing home. I only remembered once I walked in and saw a strange guy watching tv on our couch. I was totally expecting to not want to talk to them at all and was ready to be annoyed at having to deal with people after an exceptionally long day at work, especially after the last couple of weeks I’ve had being nice and making pleasantries was the last thing I wanted to do. However, I was pleasantly surprised while saying hello to the two of them when my roomie’s date just spontaneously said, “You’re beautiful.” It was even funnier when my roomie vehemently denied putting him up to it, which I believe because Adam never lies. And quite frankly I’m not even sure he would think of putting him up to it. Regardless, it completely made my day.
I guess I’m just a sucker for flattery. And gay men. Though in all seriousness sometimes life can surprise you just when you thought everything was going all wrong. In just the way you need and you didn’t even know.
November 18, 2009 at 8:29 pm · Filed under beauty, love, personal, philosophy, random
Well, ok, so I tend to try to keep this blog relatively impersonal but due to my life being a crazy mess at the moment. But this is about things that I think are really, really important to remember.
I believe in love at first sight. I believe in fairy tales. I believe in miracles. And I believe in “meant to be”. I believe in rainbows and fairies and kittens. I believe that life works out for the best even though sometimes it feels like it just can’t get any worse. I believe that sometimes the world just doesn’t know what’s good for you. I believe that the best things in your life could be something that at one point you thought was horribly wrong. I believe that something good can be taken from any situation. I believe in hope. I believe in looking at the sunny side of the street.
I realize that a lot of this sounds ridiculous and excessively perky but it’s how I make it through the hard times. Cynical as I am about the world at large, I have to believe the best in people because otherwise I don’t think I would be able to get out of bed in the morning. I believe that the world is a beautiful magical place and it’s up to us to find the beauty in it. I think that so many people forget that. Especially during the hard times. I know I certainly have struggled with it at times.
In fact, recently I forgot how much these things meant to me, which is why I’m writing them down here. I think that often people overlook the power of positive thought and optimism. Just because you’re an optimist doesn’t mean you aren’t in touch with reality at all. I think I have a pretty decent sense of reality, I just happen to think that taking the good things out of any situation is just far more pleasant than remembering the bad. I guess I just wonder about pessimists because if all you ever notice are how wrong things can go then what is the point of living? For me, I think even in the worst of times there is something out there that can make you happy. And if nothing else there is the hope for the future and all the possibilities that may bring.
And so, I believe. I believe that everything happens for a reason. And that life always works out for the best. I believe in hope and possibility but also in reason and science. I believe that rose colored glasses make life a little more bearable. I’m sure many people will think it’s weird that I consider myself to be a physicist and still say that I believe in miracles but I do. In fact, I think many of the things that physics proves are little miracles and that progress in and of itself is a little miracle. I believe there is magic all around us, if we just keep our eyes open we might just catch a glimpse of it. And I believe that the world is full of love, we just have to open our hearts and you’ll be amazed at what you can find.
