What Happened To Being Courted?

December 21, 2009 at 1:25 pm · Filed under dating, love, personal

You know, I’ve always wanted to be courted. Truly courted. The way that I’ve courted my girlfriends. It’s not just silly little things, it’s big things too. I mean how many girls don’t dream of someone just showing up at the airport to pick them up with flowers in hand. Especially when you weren’t expecting it. How many girls would just die if you showed up and managed to find out when they were coming home and you were a long lost lover that they were just dying to see? Yes, it’s scary. It’s putting yourself out there in a way that may just be rejected. Or flying across the country because you let them leave and you realize that this is the person you want to be with. So you show up anyway not knowing what would happen. Ok, it’s a little storybook like, but who wouldn’t want that? Sure, it’s terrifying to do. But let me tell you, that’s the kind of courtship I would kill for.

And ok, I can be an intimidating girl to date. I’m finally starting to get that memo. 10 years later, I get it (sortof). I’m not easy to date. I’ve been told this since I was 16 by quite a few of the boys who tried to ask me out (generally a couple years after my interest had faded and I categorized them as “friends”). Yes, I know boys love it when that happens. You finally have the nerve to ask a girl out and she’s like, “um yeah I really only think of you as a friend.” Trust me, it happens to lesbians too, it’s not fun for us either. But that’s why I believe you should really court a girl you like. I mean ok, don’t stalk the girl that’s not what I’m saying. But romance, I swear, is a dying art form.

I have always courted my lovers. It’s little things. Like one of my exes was having a bad day and I knew it but it was finals and I knew she had to study. So being the IT geek I am I noticed she was online in her dorm room so I stopped by with a latte and cigarettes. I didn’t know what kind of coffee she drank but I knew the cigarettes she liked and I just took a chance. And the look I got and the following date we had were so worth the effort of just a little bit of thoughtfulness and courtship. Or you know, there was one time, I brought flowers to a club because all of the dates my flame at the time and I had just weren’t working out. She was so stunned by the arrangement and the gesture that she pinned me up against my car to kiss me passionately. Turns out later that she was a little crazy but it was worth it at the time. Real romance is something everyone craves. And it is so very hard to come by.

So girls (and perhaps boys, too) if you want to date me, this is what I’m asking for. To be courted. Truly courted. Not just taken to dinner. Not something boring. I want someone who will stand outside my doorstep with a rose just waiting for me to come down so it’ll be a surprise. I want someone who will write me notes about the week they spent and all the things that made them think of me and put it in a jar. Just to share it with me the next time they see me. I want someone to write me a card for every day we have to be apart when they know it’s something neither of us want to do but is being forced upon us. I want someone to make me a mix cd just because they thought of me and they want me to know the music that makes them think of me. I want someone to write me love letters. Just because. I want someone well versed in the art of romance. Actually scratch all those suggestions, those are mostly things I’ve done before. What I’d really like is something that is uniquely you but equally thoughtful (or I mean if those things ring true for you then by all means do those too but do something that’s really you). For example, to this day my absolute favourite birthday gift is the t-shirt my ex made me that was of string theory but the picture she drew starts with a Texas instead of an apple. And the back said “did you know 2005 is the world year for physics?” I remember she and her friends were doing this big secret project behind my back and I had no idea it was for my birthday. It is still one of my happiest memories. The back has all but fallen apart. But the front is still just as awesome as the day I got it. And I still love it. Because it was truly thoughtful, it was all of my favourite things on a t-shirt. For my birthday.

(Oh and the courtship, while I am serious that that is what I want but not really right now. Let’s be honest, I’m not really over my most recent ex. I hate admitting that but it doesn’t make it any less true. I’m just finally ready to think about romance again, which is where all this came from.)

I wish the world had a little more space for romance. I feel like in this modern age people have all but forgotten what real romance looks like. Sometimes it is big dramatic gestures but other times it’s just showing up in a goofy outfit just to make your loved one laugh when you know they’re having a bad day.

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Yep, That’s My Hometown

December 13, 2009 at 1:10 pm · Filed under gay rights, news, politics, texas

The largest US city to elect an openly gay mayor, yes that would in fact be Houston, Texas. It’s made headlines in the New York Times, the Boston Globe, the BBC and countless other news organizations. I am exceptionally excited about this because not only is it the first openly gay mayor but also the second woman to be mayor. Our first female mayor, Kathy Whitmire, was absolutely fabulous. I just remember Houston being an exceptionally vibrant and interesting city to live in as a kid when she was in charge. Sadly, as all things go in politics she eventually left and the city has simply never been the same. So I am extremely hopeful that Annise Parker can do some great things for the city. Not to mention this is *huge* for the gay rights movement. Not only do we have another openly gay mayor but it’s in a relatively conservative town in a really conservative state where it is not that easy to get over the gay issue. I have always stood by the fact that Texans would come around eventually because we’re not as backwards as everyone seems to think we are and I believe this would finally be proof! I am so ecstatic that it’s my hometown that has made headlines about this. I am truly proud to be a Houstonian.

Kudos to you, Houston, for being the largest American city to elect an openly gay mayor

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Do You Believe…

December 6, 2009 at 2:37 pm · Filed under dating, love, personal

… in love at first sight? I do. I believe that one person can make your heart stand still when they walk into a room full of people. I believe that every once in a while you can meet someone special and you just know it in your bones. I’m lucky. I’ve had this happen to me twice. Neither one of them have necessarily worked out as I would’ve liked but I still believe that it exists.

I also believe in things that are just simply meant to be. I think that there are things outside of our control and love that doesn’t fit into the boundaries of what we are used to. Sometimes I think there are connections so strong that you just can’t shake them.

Typically I’m a ridiculous optimist and I never question any of these beliefs but recently I’ve had to. And it makes me wonder if sometimes even though the connection is there if it is actually meant to be. With time, I’ve learned that life can surprise you with the way it works out. Even though you thought something should have worked out perhaps there’s something else out there that is a better fit. And so I do still believe that life works out the way it’s supposed to. I guess I just wonder how much of it is a fairytale and how much real life hardship we all have to go through. When do you decide whether it’s worth it or not? How do you know? Is love really enough?

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Way To Alienate People, Captain Genius-pants

December 3, 2009 at 9:06 am · Filed under education, environment, feminism, news

Ok has anyone else seen that article that’s been making it’s way around about the guy at Wellesley? Yes, the one where he talks about how Wellesley girls are whores etc. I know Jezebel isn’t exactly somewhere that I frequent but I found this posted on my facebook news feed and was absolutely horrified. Being a women’s college graduate I can understand that it is difficult for a man to live at a women’s college. I remember my first year when one of my friends came to visit me (Daniel is generally quite the ladies man) and even he was a bit intimidated and flustered. We can be quite a fierce and intimidating group when you put us all together in one teeny location, I’ll give you that. But my dear, I really don’t think it’s a brilliant idea to call your peers whores. I mean these are the women you have to see on a daily basis, it’s just not that bright. And if your chief complaint is that you aren’t getting laid then perhaps the label “whore” is a misnomer, I believe the word you’re looking for would be “prude” (which I doubt would win you many friends either but would, at least in my opinion, be a touch more acceptable). Also I believe that you’re missing the point entirely of doing an exchange if the only purpose of this is “to get laid”. I mean I’m sure it would be a nice bonus but I believe exchange programs were instituted so that you could learn in a different environment not to pick up girls. Then again, what do I know, I’m sure had he been at Mount Holyoke I would be just another one of those “whores”.

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