Was not something I would have considered in the realm of possibilities before today. In fact I had a lot of doubts going in to the store but a couple friends had advised me to go so I figured on a lark it couldn’t hurt and I was desperately in need of new bras. Part of my hesitation to go comes from the fact that I have a long and rather unfortunate history with bra shopping. Ever since I began developing breasts I have had a love-hate (ok, it’s really been more of a hate-hate) relationship with them.

I remember almost to the day when my mother first told me we had to go buy a bra. She and a few other adults had begun to notice that it really wasn’t ok for me to be running around playing with the boys without a bra anymore. That was possibly the worst day of my life. I simply did not want to go, I thought it was horribly embarrassing and for the most part I just wanted them (my “not-breasts”) to go away. Then again I was only 10 at the time and when we got to the department store to “size me” it appeared that the closest thing to my size was a 32B. Yes, I developed rather early and a little too much for my taste. I know most girls would kill to have a rack like that when they are just starting to approach puberty, all they want is to be “real women” and I’m sure many of my friends were jealous but that was not me. I was a kid already trying to find her way caught between two cultures and now having the added burden of having even my body shape looking completely different from my peers was not one I was ready to face. I mean I already looked different being that shrimpy Indian kid with the small bones who looked a few years younger than everyone else and whose family had tea time and all sorts of un-American traditions. I mean god forbid you speak to my mother when she got up on her British English high horse, I’d rather die than have anyone else hear that or when she would decide to start spouting German because languages come so easily to her. So imagine my dread when I now have these things attached to my body that don’t even feel like they’re mine and all they do is differentiate me a little more from everyone else.

By the time I was about 16 I was wearing a 32D and they were still a little too loose around the band and wee bit tight in the cups but honestly it’s a bit hard to go down in band size when the cups need to go up too and you’re just that small a person. By this time it had been years going to get new bras and everytime I discovered that they were getting bigger was just massively disheartening, not to mention disconcerting. Especially because nothing ever fit right and all I wanted was to be normal and have normal sized breasts, just like everyone else. I mean part of the problem is never having a mother who understands why I hated bra shopping so much. She was lucky, she had perfect 32 or was it 34B’s up until she got pregnant with me, but she was also one of those women that was like, oh it would be so nice to go up maybe a cup-size. It’s so easy to say that when bra shopping isn’t like going to Guam because you can’t find anything that fits you, let alone anything that might have actual support and not look like a “granny bra”. I think she was always trying to convince me that having large breasts is a great thing but it was coming (to me) from a completely backwards position. I mean always dreaming of large breasts and then trying to convince someone who has always had them that they’re great generally does not tend to work because you’re coming at it from two different angles. On the other hand almost 2 years ago I went off to India to train for my job and made a very good friend. And for the first time in my life met someone with the same body issues that I had, except she’s a little better adjusted to it than I am but we have nearly identical body-types, the variation is minimal. So needless to say meeting her helped change my perspective forever and also gave me a badly needed friend to talk to about such things. Now nearly 10 years later, I realize there is no such thing as “normal”. And I am so grateful to my friend for convincing me to go get fit for a bra and make sure that you get alterations done if necessary. It is the single best piece of advice I have ever received in my life. Everything else I can figure out on my own, this is the one place where I needed someone to guide me and I luckily found someone to point me in the right direction.

Now strange as this sounds the thought of letting some stranger see me half-naked… or well with my top off just sounded a little upsetting. The reason I say it’s strange is that for anyone who knows me well knows that I get a full body wax every 3-4 weeks and well that requires a whole lot of naked around what could be a complete stranger. I started that about a year ago but the women I have gone to see have been consistently the same person in each state. There was one woman I went to in CT who was ok and my waxer here in Chicago is amazing, I just love Jane. She runs her own little shop called <a href=”http://www.alittlespa.com”>A Little Spa</a>. And I really started waxing by accident (it’s a long story) and this is just different. I think it is partially that I have simply been so uncomfortable with my body for so long it just seems like an invasion of personal space and that most of my body issues come from being uncomfortable with the way my breasts look/feel/are.

At any rate I just had a fitting at INTIMACY OF CHICAGO • Intimacy on Michigan • 900 N Michigan Avenue • Chicago, Illinois • 312.337.8366 with Rochelle (who I recommend to everyone). And it was possibly the best thing that could ever happen to me. I never believed that a bra could change your life but if you ask me right now I would say, “A bra can change your life”. It has only been one day and I feel 10lbs lighter, I look a million times better and my clothes have begun to fit me correctly! The best part is they don’t use measuring tapes they have a holistic method to picking out a bra and Rochelle is simply amazing. She took one look at what I was wearing and said, “Hmm the band looks right but… oh yeah we need to go up in the cups” and came back with absolutely the perfect size on the first try! The first try! So now I wear a 34H and I feel incredible and I even got a couple of really cute but yet super supportive bras out of the whole ordeal. And yes I spent a decent bit of money on it but let’s face it bras are expensive (especially if you aren’t in the A-C cup range because they aren’t as common). Honestly I believe that finding the right bra can change your life, it gives you more self confidence and it feels better. It is absolutely incredible to wear a bra that actually feels good. It’s actually a first for me and I don’t care how much money I have to spend, I’m never going back.