There is this absolutely fabulous article in the New York Times about what happens when your marriage (or relationship) is falling apart after years of things being just fine. The title of the article is Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear and she goes on to speak about how to relate your loved one saying that they want to end things or that they don’t love you and choosing not to believe them. I may be a novice at relationships but I truly think that the advice she gives is pretty darn amazing because no matter if you have been together for 6 months or 60 years there are times when things will be difficult not because of you but for reasons outside of you. My best friend was talking to me the other day and her philosophy of life is that if you make yourself happy then everything will fall into place. And it’s taken me a while but I do actually believe that. Controlling everything around you is certainly not possible and sometimes you need to let the person you love rail and rage and storm all around you and just try to weather the storm. I don’t think it’s easy and it’s actually quite difficult to do in practice but I think once you realize this it’s possible to make it out the other side a much stronger couple. And I’m aware that this is not a “fun” prospect and it can be quite wearying and the natural reaction may be the exact opposite but I think if you can hold yourself up and remember what makes you a healthy, whole, happy person independent of the “us” then you can make the “us” stronger, much stronger in fact. Sometimes through the obstacles and through all the challenges we find what we are actually meant for. Being able to deal with a major crisis and still love each other through it and after it are what is most important. It is so easy to lose sight of and to get caught up in everything else that is going on around you. But if you are able to hold on to those key reasons that make you love that person. Then you have found something worth saving, you have found something worth “fighting” for.