{rheality.check}

No, that is not a mis-spelling. That is pretty much how I feel right now. As I mentioned before I’ve been training for a marathon and it’s pretty near and dear to my heart as one of my cousins was just diagnosed with cancer, again. It’s a different kind than when she first was diagnosed and won her fight about 20 years ago but it’s just really jarring to have a diagnosis that it may be back in a new location and in a different form. Especially when it isn’t really something that’s been an issue for nearly 20 years. That’s a long time for it to be gone. I mean I guess it’s different I was just a child when she was fighting against it, so it just feels so much more real this time around. Though this time they caught it in the early stages, which is good. And they are treating her aggressively. Also, I will be allowed to see her this time because I will not be some germy little kid. It always sucks as a kid that you can’t see anyone who is sick because children are like a depot of diseases.

Anyway that is not why I started this. So running right now is pretty important to me. I try really hard to keep up with the long runs even if I’m not completely on schedule. So anyway this past weekend I finally decided I think my running shoes suck. Honestly, my knees have been hurting and I have crazy blisters on the insides of my feet. Thankfully one of the coaches from TNT recommended a place where I can go and said I should make sure to look for shoes that work better for people who pronate because that’s why I’m getting blisters (and possibly a black toe). So anyway, I was all set to go to the running store later that day. But as I was leaving practice my knee really started to act up. By the time I got home I couldn’t really bend it without significant pain. And forget about trying to walk up the stairs to my 3 story walk-up. That was the best time ever.

Now here’s the part where I really show my brilliance. I decide to stay in and ice my knee and give myself a break for the rest of the day, which was great and probably something I have needed for a long time. But the very next morning I got up early and headed out to my soccer game even though the knee wasn’t totally feeling better. It was definitely smarting at the beginning of the game – you would think this is a warning sign. No siree, not for me. I continued to play on it until the last 15mins of the second half when I literally couldn’t walk without limping. Because that, my friends, is S-M-R-T.

You know, running doesn’t seem like something that is initially incredibly complex but now that I’m training for a marathon I think there is a lot more to running than just putting one foot in front of the other. Such a huge part of training is a mental game, just being able to tell yourself that you can do it. First of all, I don’t consider myself a runner because I’m slow and I just don’t think of myself as a runner. I first started running any meaningful distance (read: more than a mile… ok actually it was like 3ish) in April when a coworker asked me to start running outside with her and to do a 5k. I have these trusty old running shoes that I have come to love a lot.

Since I started training for my marathon these shoes have served me really well but they’ve got a lot of miles on them now. And recently I’ve heard a lot of talk about these new shoes. Ones that are the closest thing to running barefoot. So I’ve decided to take the plunge and give them a try. I haven’t run in them yet, obviously since you can still see the tags.

As much as I deny being a runner and saying how much I dislike it, it’s seriously addictive. After I did my 5k I followed it with a 10k a few weeks later and then a half marathon about 3 weeks after the 10k. This was a pretty poorly planned set of races for someone who isn’t a runner. However, it did make me see that I really like running, it’s challenging in some great ways but it’s also difficult to run the much longer distances by yourself. I find running about 6 miles by myself is a great challenge and I like doing it alone. But the longer distances pretty much anything upwards of 10 miles is really really difficult for me to get through without help. So I am extraordinarily glad that I discovered Team in Training because not only do I have a great group of people that I run with, I am reminded that I’m not just running for my health or to challenge myself but also to help all those people who are battling cancer. I’m doing what I can to make a difference in the world. Perhaps it’s in a very small way but it is what I can do. It also reminds me to appreciate the journey I’m on. Life is one great journey and there is always something new around the corner and you never know what you find.

So I know my friend, D, just went through this recently where she went on the pill and was horrified by the resulting aftermath. I, too, decided that maybe I would give it a shot. My reasons are different from the majority of women on the pill. I typically don’t sleep with men so I’m not really concerned about getting pregnant. However my cramps can be a nightmare and I am an emotional disaster depending on the state of my hormones. Clearly, knowing that I’m an emotional disaster depending on the state of my hormones means I should try to fuck with them by using some synthetic ones. Clearly, I’m a genius.

Well anyway, the hype is that they help a lot. That said my first week with them was far from pleasant. It involved a lot of crying. Crying of the sobbing uncontrollably variety at work. And let me tell you it’s a little hard to explain why you’re sobbing uncontrollably when there’s really no reason other than my hormones are out of whack and that pen was the wrong color. Seriously, the blue was upsetting (or something equally trivial and stupid). That said things seem to have calmed down, I’m in the middle of week 3 and I’m still a little easier to tip over to the side of crying, which is super awkward cause I’m not really a crier, but it is getting a lot better.

Though I have to think, if this were something that effected men we wouldn’t be doing experiments on our own body right now. They’d have figured something better out instead of – well just wait it out and see what happens. I mean seriously, what kind of an answer is that. I am living in my own personal version of hell and you’re telling me that I just have to wait and see if I adjust. Do I get a refund on those 3 months of my life? Cause that would be stellar too. Anyway, at least I feel vindicated about some of the times when I do know that I’m just super on edge and it’s not *just* me. I suppose in a way that makes it worth it, though I’m not entirely sure just how.

So I don’t really read blogs. Yes, I realize that it is strange that I have a blog but I don’t really read them. Actually let me qualify that last statement, I read my friends’ blogs so I know what’s going on in their lives. That aside, I don’t blog that much and I really don’t read too many blogs. Every once in a while, I’ll find something funny and I’ll follow it for a short spurt but it rarely tends to last in the long-term (unless of course I know you in real life – apparently even though I am an IT person I’m not really an internet-y person).

Anyway, the point of this post is my friend (somewhat) recently sent me this link. On first glance, I thought to myself, “Oh she’s pretty funny and this could totally be my life. Haha.” And then June happened.

So I graduated from grad school in June and I thought to myself, “Ok, Rhea, maybe it is time to be a real adult and you know, clean and stuff.” So I balanced my checkbook, paid all my bills, cleaned the whole apartment, watered my bamboo (it’s a miracle that thing is still alive) and actually got groceries. It was amazing, it was like I was a real adult. And I thought to myself, surely I can keep this up now that I’m not in grad school. That was my first mistake. As depicted in said blog entry there was this little downward spiral from my first self congratulatory remark which lead to last weekend where I spent the whole weekend in bed and consumed ice cream and chocolate. Clearly I am totally an adult and capable of making good life decisions consistently. Sigh, it’s sad how well I relate to that post.

Ok so I don’t cook a lot but when I do, I really do care that it has to be something good. And generally it can’t take too long or be too involved. Because let’s face it, I’m impatient and I always feel like I don’t have enough time to do anything overly involved. Not to say I can’t, but I generally choose not to. However, I believe I have perfected the 15min meal.

So today, I have the day off, it’s the day after Independence Day and I really really wanted chili cheese fries. However, I am also sick and have been feeling on/off like crap all weekend. So I opted for something slightly healthier that really only takes 15mins to cook. (Yes, I timed it, it’s 15mins on the dot.)

This really is my go-to when I want something fast and easy and tasty to make. It’s so ridiculously simple and half the time I have most of the ingredients in the house anyway. (At least, if I’ve gone grocery shopping in the recent past that is.) So here’s how you make it.

Orzo with Spinach, Pine Nuts, Tomatoes and Feta
Orzo
1 bag spinach
cherry/grape tomatoes (depends on your fancy)
crumbled feta
a handful of pine nuts
1.5tbsp olive oil (I like extra virgin)
Red chili pepper flakes
Crushed basil (or you can substitute all spice for this)

Boil the orzo until it is tender – or to the point where you would typically want to eat it.
In a large saucepan heat the oil until it is quite hot. Add in the red chili pepper flakes and crushed basil (or all spice). Add in the pine nuts. Brown the pine nuts and lower the heat. Add in the spinach. Cook until the spinach is completely wilted. Add the completely boiled orzo. Turn off the heat. Throw in the tomatoes and feta on top. Mix it together and ready to serve.

Broiled Lollipop Lambchops
2 lollipop lambchops
Worcestershire sauce
Garlic salt

Preheat oven to broil.
Cover the lamb chops in Worcestershire sauce and sprinkle garlic salt generously over both sides of the chops. Then place the chops on a broiling pan. Leave on one side for about 7-10mins. Then flip over to the other side for another 5-7mins depending on the size and how well you’d like them cooked through.

These were done for ~15mins, they’re about medium size to keep a great medium rare finish.

Ok so this will sound silly. At least, I get laughed at a lot by my white friends because of it. But I just recently discovered sunburns. It’s probably my least favourite discovery of *all* time. I mean let’s be honest, how many brown people do you know that burn? I don’t really know any. Well until now and that would be myself.

About 2 weeks ago I was lying out on the beach for a couple of hours when I got my first burn. It was just my nose and cheeks but it was definitely enough to be disconcerting for yours truly over here. Quite frankly, I wasn’t exactly sure what happened except my face was pink and it stung like mad. I mean what is that about? And then this weekend I was in a parade and my shoulders, oh my god, my shoulders. I had no idea that it was this bad. Or that this was even possible. I mean sure I’ve seen people get sunburns. And I had imagined that they don’t look like fun. But the intellectual understanding versus actually getting a burn is a far far far cry. Maybe I’m just a wimp but seriously. Sunburns, not cool. I clearly need to invest in sunblock. Well not only invest but actually remember to put it on. For now I’m off in search of some aloe. and maybe some ice.

with body-image. I’m pretty sure I’m not all that unique in this struggle actually. In fact, I’ve found that most of my female friends have many of the same issues I do. I mean we all complain about different things and have unrealistic expectations of what we should look like. And each of us carries this burden in different ways. The most fascinating part about it is also that most of us have a view of ourselves that are skewed in remarkable ways. For example one of my friends recently got married and apparently put on a few pounds after her wedding. Now she’s my old college roomie, I’ve known her for over 9 years now (wow we’re getting old) and the weight she’s gained is barely noticeable. Seriously, the only reason I noticed is because she said something and then specifically pointed out all her problem areas. I mean yes, we’re not 18 anymore. None of us look the same. That’s totally unrealistic to expect that we will ever look the way we did when we were in our teens again.

I was recently thinking about this because my mom came to visit. And as usual she had a comment about what I looked like. Now last year I went through some major ups and downs which caused me to lose a drastic amount of weight. This is me in January:

This is me on Memorial Day:

So perhaps I have gained a little weight. And yeah the two photos are two totally different contexts so they look drastically different. But the main idea is that in all honesty, I haven’t gained *that* much noticeable weight. Even without the added input from my mom, I have noticed a certain unhappiness in myself with my weight and the way I look. To counter this I’ve used a few methods from my best fried, Ev, where I was taking status photos every week (now every month) to see where my body is at and give myself a more realistic view of what I actually look like. The problem is that I know I don’t necessarily see the right me even in photos. A lot of it is dependent on my mental state and how I think I should look. It’s amazing how frequently it interferes with my own well being. I know that I may be a little extreme but I don’t think I’m the only woman that beats up on herself over a pound here and there. The thing is I used to do this when I was 107lbs. I was teeny tiny and I thought I was horrifyingly overweight. I think it’s something that you have to really take with a grain of salt and start to appreciate your body for what it is and not for the super stick thin images that we’re presented with in magazines and on TV. I have a friend who has started to do that and I’m not sure how she does it yet but boy do I hope to get there some day.

So for the longest time I have been Dictator of Cynical Island. I gave up the title when I was happily (and even for quite a good bit of the time when I was unhappily) in love. However, if you know me well, you know that I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in love at my very core… probably more than I believe in anything else in this world.

Recently, I’ve become slightly obsessed with reading the Modern Love column in the New York Times. I think it’s some form of masochism because more than anything it makes me sad to read about so much of modern dating. I know I can’t possibly be the only person in her 20′s that is tired of the push and pull of modern dating and the various forms of commitment phobia that manifest themselves in our social interactions these days.

I have to say I’ve been lucky. I mean my ex and I are obviously not together. However, at least she had the decency to actually date me. In fact, all of my actual exes have been good like that. But I’ve found that it’s increasingly difficult to find anyone that actually wants to date anymore and I simply don’t understand this concept. Or even better ones who think that dating consists of “hanging out” but “not defining” the relationship. Personally I call that “fucking around”. But hey, what do I know? I mean I am “romantically challenged” after all. Perhaps I’m too demanding or it’s just intimidating to meet a girl who knows what she wants. But if I’m into you, don’t expect anything less than to be truly courted and I will not be ok with just “fucking around”. However, meeting someone that I’m actually into is excruciatingly difficult. So I’ll be honest, I don’t often meet anyone I’m interested in more than just sex with. And it’s not like I won’t tell you if I don’t want the same things as you do (as nicely as possible, I hate hurting people’s feelings but I hate leading them on more). And don’t try and convince me that it’s ok to just continually float from person to person “hooking up”. Been there, done that, have the postcard. It’s honestly, not that satisfying. Sure it does pass the time but if you’re looking for a real connection, hooking up is not the way to go. Perhaps taking a chance that love might exist and going on a real date is the way to go.

Maybe it’s just that the “hooking up” culture was in its nascent form when I hit high school and college so out of my friends group a significant number are either married or in a very stable couple or at the very least in some way want that someday. We believe in dating. We believe in love. And we believe in forever. Ok, maybe not *all* of my friends do but I’d say there’s a large majority of us that do.

Having said that, I’m still confused why so many young people are addicted to this culture of no-strings when that’s not what I think anyone is actually looking for. While I was reading Modern Love, I stumbled upon this series they did a while ago about how college students feel about love. There are two pieces that break my heart. One is written by a woman who is talking about how even though she tries to keep herself detached what she really wants is something more permanent. The other is written by a young man who talks about how insecurity keeps so many people from finding something more real but how in the back of your mind you still want that real connection.

So I think it’s about time I reclaim my dictatorship and as my friend B says, “all we need are a few good guinea pigs ”

scratch any cynic and you’ll find a disappointed idealist
[george.carlin]

Crème Caramel is simply amazing… or at least in my opinion it is a little piece of heaven. Now I don’t often blog food because well I love food but my mom has been holding our Larousse Gastronomique hostage.

And well it’s really the only thing I cook out of… actually that’s not entirely true anymore, I’ve recently discovered some awesome food blogs. But that’s a very very recent thing, like last 6 months kindof recent so I still haven’t gotten quite into the food blogging yet.

But in some of the most exciting news I could ever possibly get, apparently Amazon has made it such that the Larousse is searchable online!!! No, really I’m not kidding, this book is my bible. I think it is the absolute best way to learn how to cook. Granted it’s not easy and it’s definitely not really a step by step guide, but it is the definition of the grammar of cooking. At least that’s how I look at it.

In my excitement I was talking to my friend, Jess, about it and I promised her a recipe. It’s my take on their version of Crème Caramel. So the first time I made it, I followed Larousse to the letter. But there was one day when I messed up a little but I mean it wasn’t a lot and I figured well what the hell let’s see what it does to the recipe, if it’s awful we don’t *have* to eat it, right? (Granted that goes against every principle my mother raised me to have but you gotta learn somehow, right?) Anyway it turns out that I (and everyone else) rather loved my little accident. So from that day onwards this is how I make my crème caramel.

Crème Caramel (serves ~10-12)
6 whole eggs
6 egg yolks (note you can use the leftover egg whites to make meringues!)
1 quart of whole milk (folks, this is dessert not even remotely healthy, if you don’t use whole milk it simply is not going to taste as good. just trust me, it will be worth it.)
3/4 cup sugar (this you can modify as you get more comfortable with the recipe, I don’t like mine to be super sweet so you might want to use more – the original recipe calls for quite a bit more)
1 vanilla bean (or you could use 2 tsp vanilla extract but the actual pod really does make a difference in flavor)

Pre-heat your oven to 375 degrees. In a medium pot bring the milk to a boil with the vanilla bean. After it begins to boil take it down to a simmer and add in the sugar (taste this to see how sweet you’d like it to be). Allow it time for the vanilla to infuse so you want this to take about ~15 mins. In a large bowl blend the whole eggs, egg yolks. Remove the vanilla bean from the milk. Then gradually add the milk to the mixture, whisking quickly while doing so. Coat the bottom of a souffle dish (or any other bakeware that you’d like to use for this) with caramel.
(To make the caramel – take a small pan and place of very high heat. Pour a good amount of sugar into the pan and wait for it to caramelize. To help speed up the caramelizing process you can add little bits of water to the sugar periodically.)
Now pour the custard you just made into the souffle dish on top of the caramel. Place the dish into a bain marie (water bath) – I typically use a 1.5″ deep pan filled with water and with the souffle dish placed in the water, it’s relatively easy to make a makeshift bain marie without going out and buying something expensive. And place into the oven. Bake for about 30-40mins. You can check to see if it’s done by sticking a fork into the center, if it comes out completely clean then you’re all set – if there is anything at all sticking to the fork keep it in the oven until the fork comes out clean. Once it is done take it out of the oven and out of the bain marie. Let it sit out to cool. Quite frequently I will put it in the refrigerator to let it cool. When you are ready to serve bring out a fresh serving dish and then turn it over onto the serving dish. Also if you just trace the edge of the dish with a knife it’ll make it that much easier for it to slide right out and look just beautiful on your serving dish.

Oh and I just realized this is totally a gluten-free recipe. So all you gluten-free lovers this is just a wee piece of heaven that I happen to adore.

Photo Source

as I wait for them to install.

I took this meme from D, of course.

If I were a month, I’d be March. (you know, March in Texas is just incredible because it’s when the wildflowers are in bloom and the weather is just gorgeous)

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If I were a day of the week, I’d be Sunday.

If I were a time of day, I’d be afternoon when the sun is highest in the sky.

If I were a planet, I’d be lush and green, with seasons but a short winter and a long fall, lots of colors and beautiful weather, with just enough cloudy, rainy days to make you appreciate the beautiful ones.

If I were a sea animal, I’d be a dolphin.

If I were a direction, I’d be moving forward.

If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be my bed, it is the comfiest place on earth (and I am not the only person that agrees with this statement).

If I were a liquid, I’d be the ocean.

If I were a gemstone, I’d be chrysoberyl.

If I were a tree, I’d be a Live Oak. (reminds me of growing up in Houston).

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If I were a tool, I’d not be.

If I were a flower, I’d be a Sunflower (one of my dearest friends and teachers described me as one and while it is not my favourite flower, I think her description was lovely and so I still cherish it to this day and like to think of myself as one).

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If I were a kind of weather, I would sunny with a chance of meatballs.

If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a flute.

If I were a color, I’d be green (probably apple green).

If I were an emotion, I’d be butterflies.

If I were a fruit, I’d be a kiwi.

If I were a sound, I’d be running water.

If I were an element, I’d be fire-water.

If I were a car, I’d be a porsche.

If I were a food, I’d be chocolate covered strawberries.

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If I were a place, I’d be a tropical island.

If I were a material, I’d be linen – looks good with anything, easy to dress up or down, hard to break but easy to get dirty and made for summer.

If I were a taste, I’d be expensive.

If I were a scent, I’d be a mix of Chanel No.5 & Drakkar.

If I were an object, I’d be a book.

If I were a body part, I’d be eye-lashes.

If I were a facial expression, I’d be a smile.

If I were a song, I’d be Taking The Long Way (Dixie Chicks – totally Texas and totally my life).

If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be these: