Archive for personal
March 11, 2010 at 8:03 am · Filed under humor, personal, random
as I wait for them to install.
I took this meme from D, of course.
If I were a month, I’d be March.
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Sunday.
If I were a time of day, I’d be afternoon when the sun is highest in the sky.
If I were a planet, I’d be lush and green, with seasons but a short winter and a long fall, lots of colors and beautiful weather, with just enough cloudy, rainy days to make you appreciate the beautiful ones.
If I were a sea animal, I’d be a dolphin.
If I were a direction, I’d be moving forward.
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be my bed, it is the comfiest place on earth (and I am not the only person that agrees with this statement).
If I were a liquid, I’d be the ocean.
If I were a gemstone, I’d be chrysoberyl.
If I were a tree, I’d be a Live Oak.
If I were a tool, I’d not be.
If I were a flower, I’d be a Sunflower (one of my dearest friends and teachers described me as one and while it is not my favourite flower, I think her description was lovely and so I still cherish it to this day and like to think of myself as one).
If I were a kind of weather, I would sunny with a chance of meatballs.
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a flute.
If I were a color, I’d be green (probably apple green).
If I were an emotion, I’d be butterflies.
If I were a fruit, I’d be a kiwi.
If I were a sound, I’d be running water.
If I were an element, I’d be fire-water.
If I were a car, I’d be a porsche.
If I were a food, I’d be chocolate covered strawberries.
If I were a place, I’d be a tropical island.
If I were a material, I’d be linen – looks good with anything, easy to dress up or down, hard to break but easy to get dirty and made for summer.
If I were a taste, I’d be expensive.
If I were a scent, I’d be a mix of Chanel No.5 & Drakkar.
If I were an object, I’d be a book.
If I were a body part, I’d be eye-lashes.
If I were a facial expression, I’d be a smile.
If I were a song, I’d be Taking The Long Way (Dixie Chicks – totally Texas and totally my life).
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be these:
February 25, 2010 at 6:55 am · Filed under beauty, dating, humor, love, news, personal, politics, random, texas
So my lovely friend D wrote this post the other day that I thought was really interesting. Apparently she found it here, and I also loved that post too. So here I am playing along… on my not-so-personal-but-getting-to-be-rather-personal blog.
If you know me well, you know that all my tattoos have significant meaning to me but my piercings were done on a whim, i love physics (and philosophy), am a super liberal feminist but I totally use the “I’m a girl” card to get someone to change a tire or the oil for me even though I’m perfectly capable of doing both myself.
If you know me well, you know I am a sucker for romantic comedies, I live for chocolate and I have the willpower of a gnat when it comes to things I want.
If you know me well, you know I *love* cooking (seriously, I have a slight obsession with food), decorating (and redecorating) and arranging flowers. Seriously every once in a while I contemplate putting myself up for sale: “Fantastic housewife available to a good home. Will cook, decorate and keep a lovely home. Contingent on a large budget. (Let’s not lie, I’ve got expensive taste).” or you know changing careers to be an event planner… or wedding planner.
If you know me well, you know I’m so obsessive about my hair that I cut it myself because I don’t think anyone else can do as good a job, I love chai (the fake Starbuck’s kind even though it’s totally not right) and I hate running but love soccer.
If you know me well you know that despite being a jeans and t-shirt girl, I love love love dresses and skirts and makeup, and if you make it past the tattoos, piercings, sarcasm and cynicism, I am a hopeless romantic and I view the world in hearts, stars, rainbows and puppies.
If you know me well, you know that despite my self-professed geekdom I am really not that geeky. I mean I work in IT but I have never owned a gaming system, nor do I play computer games and for an extended period of time I thought WoW was just people spelling wow rather enthusiastically. Apparently one shelf of fantasy novels does not equate to actual geekdom.
If you know me well, you know I love playing sports but can’t watch them to save my life, I am in a serious long-term relationship with Grey’s Anatomy, I move cities like it’s my job (though Chicago does seem to be sticking pretty well so far) and I desperately miss Texas.
February 16, 2010 at 11:32 am · Filed under economy, health, personal, personal finance, politics
This is what I want to say whenever I speak to anyone in the billing departments of hospitals and even moreso when I speak to the people at the insurance companies. Because really, I do honestly believe that they don’t care *at all* about us. And it’s really frustrating to be on the phone trying to figure out why your bills are so high when you have a full-time job. Or in my case a full-time job and part-time school. Why do I have to spend 40+ hours trying to figure out why I was billed this way and why this is even a valid bill to begin with. Granted at some point you even start wondering if it is worth spending this much time trying to work out your bill or if you could be spending your time on other things. I mean if I calculated the amount of time I’ve spent trying to get this figured out and how much that would cost my company that bills me out by the hour, I’m pretty sure it’d be a tiny fraction of what my time could be used for. Yet, for me that sum of money is actually legitimate and it makes a difference whether I have it or not so here I am on the phone with like 8 million different health care professionals trying to figure out what to do.
Sometimes I really wonder who works there. I mean honestly how can you just sit there and tell someone that well I’m sorry you just have to make that choice, which is what I heard on the other end of the phone today for a procedure that I’ve been “strongly advised” to get. For something that could be a life or death illness that has yet to be diagnosed. But what incentive do I have to spend this money when I’ve been told that I’m not sick for the past 5 years. However, there is a chance that it could all go horribly wrong and so now I have to make a choice between what my doctors think I should do and what I can afford to do. I don’t even have much of a choice about what I *want* to do.
And don’t get me started on the bills that Congress are looking at. I mean what kind of a cruel joke is that. You are giving the insurance companies essentially complete power over the masses and requiring all of us “little people” to buy into plans that perhaps we can’t afford and in fact may even be detrimental for us. Honestly if you can’t come up with legislation that is somewhat decent don’t even bother. I’d rather have people stick to what is right than try to pass something that really only makes sense for the bottom line of hospitals and insurance companies. I’m sorry supporting insurance companies and hospitals is really not my concern. Nor do I think it’s something my tax dollars should be paying you to help!
February 8, 2010 at 11:31 am · Filed under chicago, food, personal, random
So a couple of friends and I have recently started a little tradition to do “family dinners”. Which is really just three of us that live a couple blocks apart making an effort to get together every Sunday for dinner and some bad TV (or movies) and just hang out for a little bit on a Sunday night.
This Sunday I was particularly excited because my friend, Case, decided to make Corn and Sausage Chowder, which might sound a little odd but is actually quite delicious. Now, Case calls himself a Kansas cooker and I love it cause he just throws all sorts of random stuff in the pot and it just works. He claims he got this from his mother who would make them help her out as kids by finding stuff in the kitchen that they thought would be good in a soup. I adore Corn Chowder but I have never ever made it nor did I have any clue how until last night, which makes no sense because it falls into that Southern Comfort food category which I just adore. Though for some reason I’m more of a French cooker… like my bible is the Larousse Gastronomique, has been since I ever set foot in a kitchen. I do things like souffle and mousse and braised short ribs (which is on the menu for next weekend). It makes no sense coming from an Indian girl born and raised in Texas. You’d think I’d know how to do good Southern Comfort food or at least Indian food. But no, I’ve got nothin’ on either of those. However, you want me to make you souffle or risotto or anything that involves heavy cream, I’m your girl. Example, next week is my turn for dinner and I’m doing braised short ribs in a sauerkraut sauce over swiss chard, crunchy green beans with almonds & garlic and either pureed potatoes or polenta with mushrooms. Oh and lemon souffle with fresh raspberries to finish. (Well ok the raspberries might not be in season, I forget I am not in Texas and can’t get whatever I want whenever I want pretty much all year round but definitely the souffle).
That being said, I was just stunned at how simple, easy and delicious corn chowder is! Now we made enough soup for a small army (note there are only 3 of us eating this soup, we had enough leftovers for the rest of the week for all of us) but here is the recipe as follows:
Corn & Sausage Chowder
1 qt half/half
2 large-ish russet potatoes
3 bell peppers (in any colors you’d like, we had red & green)
1 large onion
1 can creamed sweet corn
2 cans sweet whole kernel corn
2 large sausages
1 bag flour
Salt
Pepper
and any other seasonings you’d like
(feel free to leave out the sausages and add other miscellaneous veggies as you’d like)
Slice one potato into very thin slices and then dice the other one into 1/4″ cubes. Throw the sliced potato into a very very large pot half filled with water and turn on to boil.
Dice all other vegetables and sausage. Put sausage into a large saucepan and brown. Let cook for about 2-5mins. After that add in the onions. Let those cook until they look somewhat clear. Then add in all the other veggies and saute for another 10-15mins. Once the veggies look just tender.
Pour all the ingredients from the saucepan into the pot of boiling water. Add in about 3/4-1qt heavy cream. Add in all the cans of corn.
In a separate bowl mix together water and flour until smooth. As the soup cooks and you want it to thicken add in the flour-water mixture. Repeat this step as many times as necessary to get the soup to the consistency that you’d like – the thicker you want it the more flour-water mix you should add.
Add in salt & pepper generously to taste. We put in cayenne pepper, garlic salt, all spice and something else. But the spices can be just about anything based on what you like and what you want in it. Also I like to think a little splash of beer gives it some good character. Keep on relatively high heat and check on it every few minutes, stir as necessary.
The whole process takes about an hour to make. It’s really not bad and it’s an excellent meal. Especially in the winter when it’s super cold outside. It was pretty perfect for yesterday.
February 6, 2010 at 9:30 am · Filed under chicago, economy, jobs, personal, random, work
Sometimes it is incredibly difficult to find the silver lining in life. I’ve been waffling between being unable to have the energy to look for the silver lining and trying so hard to find it that I just go out and do crazy things. While the crazy stuff is fun, I forget that I’m not 16 anymore, I can’t go out for 6 days in a row with no sleep and still be able to do the work I need to do for grad school and hold down a grown up job. Thankfully I have yet to do anything so idiotic that I get fired from said grown up job but that doesn’t really make me feel any better because I know I’m smarter than this. Anyway the point of this is not to crib about all of that but to point out that sometimes even when life is hard there really is a silver lining in there somewhere.
I mention this because I have a lot of friends who are struggling with the job search right now and um, I understand just how much it sucks. I remember when I got out of college and I didn’t have a place to live or enough money to do anything. I lived mostly out of my car for nearly 2 months but thank god for D who let me crash with her during that time before I had enough money to even be able to afford an apartment. It sucks. But remember it’s not permanent and it’s not forever. I even ended up taking a couple of AWFUL jobs in that time. I was a glorified secretary that they called an office manager except I did all sorts of crap stuff, like replace soda in the refrigerators and make lunch on Fridays. I swear it was the most frustrating thing ever because I thought to myself, “I went to college. I have a double major in Physics & Philosophy. And honestly, I’m smarter than most of you people that work here, I can’t believe I have to do this. This is so demeaning.” And at the time it really was.
Oh and there was this OCD woman that I worked for. You would think that someone with OCD is really clean, that’s just the general stereotype. Wrong. She had stacks of paper piled so high that there was just a narrow little pathway from the entrance to the staircase which I would have to go up to go to her “computer room”. And everything was covered in plastic because she had “cleanliness issues”. She also ran a “clutter workshop” to help others declutter their lives and for the life of me I do not understand because I really didn’t think she was the picture of learning how to clean up your clutter. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to make fun of her, I’m glad she was trying to organize her life. It just didn’t really seem like it to me. Not to mention it was terrifying to walk through that house once a week, it was just… I don’t even know how to describe it but it is certainly etched in my memory.
And this is all just stuff I *had* to do to get by at the time. So ok, my life is not perfect right now. I will give myself enough legitimacy that I’m allowed to be sad and to look forward to 2010 being a better year but seriously, my life is not that bad. I have a place to live with a roommate that I really like. (Actually, I think Adam is just a gem. I have a friend who is having the most awful time – lost his job and got kicked out of his apartment. *WALKED* from Lakeview to Downtown Chicago [that's like 10miles] in the winter in freezing weather to a job interview because that’s how desperately he wants to be employed and not be in the place he’s in right now. – so I told Adam I’d like to offer this guy a place to stay and, seriously I love this boy, Adam’s response was “Of course he can stay with us. If it becomes an issue we’ll think of something when we get there, we can’t let him be homeless. We’ll figure something out. Tell him to come over whenever he wants.” Seriously, Adam is *such* a gem.) I have a job that I actually really like. And I’m in school for something that I’m actually really interested in. And I’ve got incredible friends, even if some of them are thousands of miles away they’re still there. So really there is some silver lining out there. Sometimes it’s just about perspective and being able to see it. And for everyone who is looking for a job, I know the economy blows. I know it’s really hard. But I promise you it will not be like this forever. You will find something. Cut yourself a break. Even if it’s just for an hour. Also I know it seems like the most overwhelming thing in the world right now but it will get better and there are good things out there outside of needing to find employment. You’ll get there, just have a little faith even if that sounds impossible right now.
January 28, 2010 at 9:50 am · Filed under dating, family, gay rights, love, personal
So I was just asked the question: “What do you think about dating a married man?” I know that the normal gut reaction answer is NEVER, it only ends in heartbreak!. But humor me because I’m going to actually look at it from a less traditional perspective. Then again, I’m not exactly a traditional girl so what else would you expect.
So firstly, I’d like to mention that my perspective on marriage is a little skewed being part of the queer community because I know more than a few people who are in “Marriages of Convenience”. And quite frankly if I don’t have the right to get married regardless of how valid my relationship with my partner is I simply don’t believe in it. I don’t believe in something that isn’t a reality for me or for a good number of people that I love.
That being said, I don’t think dating a married man (or woman for that matter) is necessarily the greatest idea. I’m not one to judge, I clearly lead a life of chaos and mayhem, I just think there’s enough heartbreak in this world that getting involved with someone who is already attached (especially in a legal way) is just asking for trouble, especially in the straight world. Yes, love makes us do crazy things and no I don’t believe that one can have absolute control over your emotions. You fall for who you fall for and it sucks/is awesome all the same, but you do have control over getting into something that could be complicated and messy. What it really comes down to is whether you think it’s a good idea for you. I generally believe all is fair in love and war and have acted as such most of my life. I mean I really can’t judge since I met one of my exes while she was on a date with a boy. That being said thus far I haven’t dated anyone that I knew was actually attached (legally or otherwise) at the time. Part of it for me (especially in a heterosexual context) is that if the person I want to date made a commitment to someone else and is stepping out on them, then what makes it so different that I think they won’t step out on me? I mean I’d like to think that I’m fabulous and unforgettable and no one could ever bear to step out on me but at the same time, isn’t that what the other woman (or man) thought?
Certainly I’ll give pause for the situation that I was recently introduced to where a friend of mine was dating this man who was married to a woman because of his family but he was in reality quite gay. This complicates matters because the way he lived with his “wife” was essentially as roommates. So my friend ended up dating him. In essence, I guess what I’m getting at is that it isn’t a black and white issue. None of these things are. Whenever emotions are involved things get messy and weird. And when social norms get mixed up with civil rights and morals and whatnot it gets even more confusing. I’ve even encountered the well what if they’re only married for the visa question before. And you know what, it really comes down to what you are ok with. You have to consider what it will do to you and if you’re ok with the consequences. I think most of it comes from being really honest with yourself and knowing what you want and what you can or can’t live with.
Thing is I’m a little out of my element talking about any of this because I’ve never been in a relationship where I’ve had a lover outside of my relationship or to my knowledge where one of my partners has done so to me. So I don’t really know what it entails. Nor have I been in a situation where I am with someone out of convenience or necessity. I’ve always been very much infatuated if not actually in love with my partner at the time so that’s the standpoint where I’m coming from. And when I’m in love with someone, I don’t step out on them. No matter how angry I am or how much I would like to prove a point and be a bitch because I’m mad. (Yes, I’ve thought about it and had opportunity to act. But No, I’ve never been able to or even wanted to follow through.)
So the short answer is I think there’s also a lot of grey areas when your emotions are involved. I don’t think it’s an ideal situation and I would be fairly hesitant and quite cautious. However, I think what is right is on an individual basis and you have to figure that out for yourself.
January 2, 2010 at 7:39 am · Filed under chicago, fitness, health, personal, random
Happy 2010! I’ve been contemplating a New Year’s post for a little while but I was struggling to figure out what to write about. This past year was… well eventful. In some really fantastic ways and in some really horrible ways. I’ve actually taken a little time to reflect on all of it and to be honest, I would do it all again given the chance. The good, the bad and the ugly, it’s all a part of what shapes the person I am today and I think I’m better for having had those experiences. It would be great to always have things be happy and everything work out for the best but how would you know just how much to cherish the good times if you never had the bad? And how would you know how precious all those moments are? Besides, if nothing bad ever happened you would never learn from your mistakes. I think it’s true that having truly failed, having tried your hardest and still failed builds so much character because it is learning to pick yourself back up and try again anyway knowing that you might fail again but to succeed would be a true accomplishment. So in 2010, I’m going to try harder. I’m going to try to be stronger, smarter and to be as open as I can. I’m going to make an effort to do those things that are scary and see what happens. Because I’d rather try and risk failure than simply accept mediocre.
I rarely make New Year’s Resolutions because I think most people have a tendency not to follow through and quite often I’m particularly bad about it. But this year I’ve made a few that I’m really trying to stick to:
- So for one, my friends started this fitness challenge and being the silly optimist that I am, I figured why not give it a shot? Who cares if I can only do like 2 push ups at a time. It’ll be fine… Haha I’m on day 2 and let me tell you I’m a little concerned. Though I will give it my all and really really try to get through it.
- I’m going to try to be a grown up and actually start cooking for myself again. (Thankfully one of my friends is moving into the neighborhood and he likes to cook too so we’re going to attempt to do this together).
- To start running every day before work and hopefully a little on the weekends too – doesn’t matter how much, I just have to do it (again, I was good half way through last year and then life got a little messy and I stopped so I’m going to try to go back to it).
- To be assertive about my needs and wants and to make sure that I’m taking care of myself. But to still remember to be kind to the rest of the world even though I am trying to be good to me.
- To start volunteering again.
- To get out there and start rediscovering Chicago and all of the things that I love about this city.
- To try and reconnect with friends that I’ve made here who I’ve been really bad about keeping in touch with. And to make new friends whenever I get the chance. (It’s great to meet new people and do new things!)
I think it’s a good list. And it’s not an unreasonable number of things to try and do. Obviously we’ll see how it goes but I think it’s a positive way to look out for the new year. I have faith that the future will be bright.
December 21, 2009 at 1:25 pm · Filed under dating, love, personal
You know, I’ve always wanted to be courted. Truly courted. The way that I’ve courted my girlfriends. It’s not just silly little things, it’s big things too. I mean how many girls don’t dream of someone just showing up at the airport to pick them up with flowers in hand. Especially when you weren’t expecting it. How many girls would just die if you showed up and managed to find out when they were coming home and you were a long lost lover that they were just dying to see? Yes, it’s scary. It’s putting yourself out there in a way that may just be rejected. Or flying across the country because you let them leave and you realize that this is the person you want to be with. So you show up anyway not knowing what would happen. Ok, it’s a little storybook like, but who wouldn’t want that? Sure, it’s terrifying to do. But let me tell you, that’s the kind of courtship I would kill for.
And ok, I can be an intimidating girl to date. I’m finally starting to get that memo. 10 years later, I get it (sortof). I’m not easy to date. I’ve been told this since I was 16 by quite a few of the boys who tried to ask me out (generally a couple years after my interest had faded and I categorized them as “friends”). Yes, I know boys love it when that happens. You finally have the nerve to ask a girl out and she’s like, “um yeah I really only think of you as a friend.” Trust me, it happens to lesbians too, it’s not fun for us either. But that’s why I believe you should really court a girl you like. I mean ok, don’t stalk the girl that’s not what I’m saying. But romance, I swear, is a dying art form.
I have always courted my lovers. It’s little things. Like one of my exes was having a bad day and I knew it but it was finals and I knew she had to study. So being the IT geek I am I noticed she was online in her dorm room so I stopped by with a latte and cigarettes. I didn’t know what kind of coffee she drank but I knew the cigarettes she liked and I just took a chance. And the look I got and the following date we had were so worth the effort of just a little bit of thoughtfulness and courtship. Or you know, there was one time, I brought flowers to a club because all of the dates my flame at the time and I had just weren’t working out. She was so stunned by the arrangement and the gesture that she pinned me up against my car to kiss me passionately. Turns out later that she was a little crazy but it was worth it at the time. Real romance is something everyone craves. And it is so very hard to come by.
So girls (and perhaps boys, too) if you want to date me, this is what I’m asking for. To be courted. Truly courted. Not just taken to dinner. Not something boring. I want someone who will stand outside my doorstep with a rose just waiting for me to come down so it’ll be a surprise. I want someone who will write me notes about the week they spent and all the things that made them think of me and put it in a jar. Just to share it with me the next time they see me. I want someone to write me a card for every day we have to be apart when they know it’s something neither of us want to do but is being forced upon us. I want someone to make me a mix cd just because they thought of me and they want me to know the music that makes them think of me. I want someone to write me love letters. Just because. I want someone well versed in the art of romance. Actually scratch all those suggestions, those are mostly things I’ve done before. What I’d really like is something that is uniquely you but equally thoughtful (or I mean if those things ring true for you then by all means do those too but do something that’s really you). For example, to this day my absolute favourite birthday gift is the t-shirt my ex made me that was of string theory but the picture she drew starts with a Texas instead of an apple. And the back said “did you know 2005 is the world year for physics?” I remember she and her friends were doing this big secret project behind my back and I had no idea it was for my birthday. It is still one of my happiest memories. The back has all but fallen apart. But the front is still just as awesome as the day I got it. And I still love it. Because it was truly thoughtful, it was all of my favourite things on a t-shirt. For my birthday.
(Oh and the courtship, while I am serious that that is what I want but not really right now. Let’s be honest, I’m not really over my most recent ex. I hate admitting that but it doesn’t make it any less true. I’m just finally ready to think about romance again, which is where all this came from.)
I wish the world had a little more space for romance. I feel like in this modern age people have all but forgotten what real romance looks like. Sometimes it is big dramatic gestures but other times it’s just showing up in a goofy outfit just to make your loved one laugh when you know they’re having a bad day.
December 6, 2009 at 2:37 pm · Filed under dating, love, personal
… in love at first sight? I do. I believe that one person can make your heart stand still when they walk into a room full of people. I believe that every once in a while you can meet someone special and you just know it in your bones. I’m lucky. I’ve had this happen to me twice. Neither one of them have necessarily worked out as I would’ve liked but I still believe that it exists.
I also believe in things that are just simply meant to be. I think that there are things outside of our control and love that doesn’t fit into the boundaries of what we are used to. Sometimes I think there are connections so strong that you just can’t shake them.
Typically I’m a ridiculous optimist and I never question any of these beliefs but recently I’ve had to. And it makes me wonder if sometimes even though the connection is there if it is actually meant to be. With time, I’ve learned that life can surprise you with the way it works out. Even though you thought something should have worked out perhaps there’s something else out there that is a better fit. And so I do still believe that life works out the way it’s supposed to. I guess I just wonder how much of it is a fairytale and how much real life hardship we all have to go through. When do you decide whether it’s worth it or not? How do you know? Is love really enough?
November 24, 2009 at 2:05 pm · Filed under dating, education, environment, family, feminism, gay rights, humor, love, personal, philosophy, random
So my friend, Deidre (of Decoybetty) was writing about the phenomenon of “relationship status” in a guest post she recently did called You’re A Lot More Than Your Relationship Status and I have to agree with her. I am constantly flabbergasted at all the people who define themselves as single, in a relationship, it’s complicated or whatever. We’re only in our 20’s, whether I’m dating someone or not really doesn’t define me.
If you want to know if I’m single or taken, you should ask because that’s not who I am. If you ask me who I am, I’d still say I’m a renegade physicist even though I haven’t done physics in years. I’d say that I’m a confused 26-year old grad student trying to figure out her consulting gig the best she can and get to where she wants to go on that crazy corporate ladder. I’d say I have a very serious relationship with Grey’s Anatomy and that I could dance all night long. I’d say that I have a penchant for wearing ties but I’ve recently discovered that wearing dresses and fitted clothing is awesome since I’ve worked really hard to get in shape. I’d also say that I love soccer even though I think I suck at it and that I’ll keep going to ballroom classes until I can some day afford to compete (at least as an amateur). I’d say that I’ve had my heart broken but that doesn’t mean I don’t believe in love and fairy tales and happily ever after. I’d say that I believe the best in people and am constantly disappointed when I get let down but I never learn that lesson and I like myself for always giving people the benefit of the doubt. I’d say that I am thoughtful and a fierce friend which are the characteristics that I value most in my friends too.
Here’s the thing, none of what I’ve described above has anything to do with whether I’m in a relationship or not. And perhaps I am a little more fierce about some bits more than others because of the fact that I very recently got my heart broken but I don’t define myself as single. I just happen to not be dating anyone, it is not a defining characteristic of my personality or even remotely who I am. In fact even when I was dating I never thought of myself as being not single. It’s just not something that I identify with. I am my own person and I would hope my partner would be as well. Perhaps when we’ve spent half our lives together I may start to consider my relationship as a defining characteristic of myself but at the moment I think my friends and my family have far more influence on who I am today than anyone I have ever dated has.
I mean I’d say I’m a feminist because I grew up with extremely strong matriarchs in my family and going to a women’s college just ingrained that further in me. I’m a cross-culture kid and I often forget this because at 26 it’s pretty much just who I am and I don’t even think about it anymore. The person I am today is made up of the environment I was brought up in, which was the huge sprawling metropolis of Houston, Texas. It’s in the Bengali that my family speaks at home and the way we flip in and out of this weird mixture between Bengali and English; as if everyone speaks both even though we live in the US. It’s in the conversations with my friends where I talk about how marriage is a “patriarchal construct” and this is “normal” because we went to a women’s college.
Quite frankly the excuse that society puts so much pressure on this is a cop out to me because aren’t we a part of society? I mean I don’t believe that who I do or do not date is really anyone’s business but my own. If I want you to know I’ll tell you, trust me. It’s pretty similar to how I feel about people asking whether I date girls or boys. If I wanted you to know, I’d tell you. I mean I don’t understand why people have this desire to be defined by whether they are in a relationship or not. Actually that’s pretty similar to how I felt in college about everyone making a big deal of coming out. I mean yes I understand it can be an empowering experience and all but there is so much more to who I am than who I date. At this point in my life I define who I am and no one else. Sure there are people who have touched my life and changed me but I’d say that my friends who I’ve known for 8+ years have probably had a more significant impact than any relationship I’ve been in.
I hear so often how we hate how the world views people who are single as if there is a stigma attached. Well, folks, we are part of society, it’s up to us to change it. If you don’t want your relationship status to be a defining characteristic then don’t let it be. I don’t talk about mine. I rarely ever have. I mean recently I was with someone long enough where I did start talking about things in we’s but I’m not there anymore and I’m ok with that. Am I going to let it define who I am? No, certainly not.
So do you like physics? Have you ever watched the sunrise over a river? Can you quote “the little prince”? Do you love 80’s music? Can you two-step (cause I might just fall in love with you in that case)? Who are you? Because I’m sure it’s more than just “single” or “in a relationship” or “married” or “it’s complicated”. At least I certainly hope so.
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