Screw talking about my ACL (I mean ok, I will get back to it at some point) but more importantly let’s talk about something infinitely more serious…
I’m adopting kittens. They are the cutest little things I have ever seen. It’s a brother and sister pair, Monster (black and white) and Sassy (grey and white). I think I may be in love. (Not to mention Sassy looks just like my old cat, Ascot, that lives with my mom who I miss dearly but would kill me if I brought her to freaking cold Chicago.)
I’m off the brace. Finally! Though I almost cried yesterday when my PT said that even though she also hates my brace but I have to wear it while it’s snowing outside. (Yes, it was totally snowing in Chicago yesterday. Evil, I swear). BUT, now it’s gone!
Seriously, look at this sucker, it’s the most annoying thing on the planet.
However since it has been gone, I have some observations. Clearly it’s only been one day, I’m sure I’ll have more in the weeks to follow. So far the scar is weird and I have sympathy sensations on the left side… like if I scratch the right side of my scar I feel the nerves twitch on the left side. It’s kinda creepy but kinda awesome. I don’t really understand it but it works.
Beyond that I’ve noticed that I’m extraordinarily tired because I’m using my left a lot more today than I have been when I’m restricted in my brace. And my left glute is killing me. Clearly my quad is not engaging enough and I’m compensating for it in odd ways. I’m totally working on that. However it’s not an instantaneous process. Le sigh. But every day it gets a little better. And every day I see how much closer I am to being whole again. I can’t wait until I can start biking and running again!
So I got my stitches out. I am pretty sure no one except for me wants to see this but apparently my blog has now become my “after surgery journal” where I’m documenting everything. Getting the stitches out was *way* less exciting than I thought it would be and everyone whose had it done told me it would feel weird and there’s no better way to describe it. I didn’t believe them… but they’re right. It just feels weird. It doesn’t hurt, it just feels weird – for lack of a better word.
Anyway, before the stitches came out… see the awesome little blue bits. I know so attractive.
And then after.
And now 5 days later when it doesn’t look quite as bad.
What bugs me most about this whole process is that I typically get waxed pretty frequently and I dislike shaving intensely BUT I’m a little nervous about getting my legs waxed at the moment, like I just don’t know if I can do it. And to be perfectly honest, I’m actually a little freaked out about shaving my legs as well because I don’t want to mess with the stupid wound until it’s completely healed. Also I had to buy flats today because I only own one pair and I don’t think I’ll be able to wear heels for a long time. It’s really tragic.
So we finally made it to two weeks out. I’m officially relieved of my crutches – even with public transportation. And I’m out of the brace indoors just not outdoors because you never know what might happen. I’ve been told I need to walk “normally” because I’ve gotten used to limping around, so it’s now become a habit.
What is less exciting… the bruising. What they don’t tell you is that after you start walking around you have these ridiculous bruises all over your leg. Most predominantly around my ankles and lower shins. I swear this looks worse than when I came out of surgery. It’s ridiculous.
And I definitely didn’t have any on this side before:
And it’s true they do warn you that you can’t shower completely until your stitches are out but let me tell you, 2 weeks of not being able to wash your leg is like torture. I have to put my leg in a bag and then duck tape it to my leg so my wound doesn’t get wet and infected. It is so frustrating. The stitches come out tomorrow and I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited to be able to shower in my life.
So yesterday I went to my second PT session and I have been relieved of my crutches. Hell yeah b*!$#es! Ok so I normally don’t swear but I think this qualifies for being really happy. I seriously hate those crutches. Now I’m still carrying them around with me because i haven’t quite figured out how to get on/off a curb without them but I don’t need them for normal walking or for stairs. They’re more of a comfort right now in case I get really tired or find something really difficult to do.
So my mom has been taking care of me, which is really really nice of her. Sadly she went home today. Though while she was here she made a lot of fun of me because a few days ago the pain really stopped being all that bad and I started walking around again. But then yesterday I almost started crying because of this bruise that I have.
So mom thinks this is hilarious because I didn’t really complain at all about the pain right after surgery. I muscled through all of that just fine. And I even thought it was cool the progress I was making. Until these bruises showed up. I mean I guess I can admit that it is a little funny that the surface wounds make me cry but, you know, surgery doesn’t. I’m a weirdo, what can I say?
That said I think I’m actually healing up nicely. If you’ll believe it the bruises are way smaller. And I feel good about it.
So it’s Saturday morning after having had surgery on Tuesday. Overall I feel pretty good. The worst part I think is not being able to sleep consistently. I stopped taking pain killers yesterday and I don’t feel any worse for it so I think that’s a good decision. I am finally able to go up stairs by myself with just crutches. It’s nice that my roommates will still walk me up and down to make sure I don’t injure myself but I can’t tell you how amazing it feels to know that I can actually do at least part of it by myself.
They say that my knee looks really good for after surgery and that I can take the bandage off myself. Personally I think it looks way better with the bandage on than off.
Though they say the scars are healing well and the bandage still looks good on the wound itself so I guess that’s a good thing. I think it looks all gross and black and blue but it could be worse, I suppose.
The hardest part about surgery is not having your independence. To rely on people for a glass of water or food or pretty much anything is a major bummer. It’s been a real adjustment for me because I will get up fully intending on getting a glass of water just to sit back down again because I realize even though I am perfectly capable of walking to the kitchen and filling up a glass of water once I’m there, I can’t actually carry it back because I’m using crutches.
There is also this thing that I have to wear a billion times a day (no joke) that compresses and pumps ice water around my leg. It’s actually pretty cool (no pun intended). It’s called a “Game Ready” and it’s really useful to have around, I’m sufficiently impressed with how high tech and awesome it is. It’s the red thing in the corner of the picture below.
I’m really lucky that my mom came up to take care of me. Even though she isn’t the strongest person around it really really helps to have someone keep track of how much I have to ice and to make sure I eat food. She also helps keep track of how much pain medication I need and to make sure I do my exercises. I’d probably do them anyway but it’s nice to have someone around so that I don’t forget. And I have the best roommates ever who helped me up and down the stairs when I couldn’t manage on my own. They’re pretty much the best guys ever. I thank my lucky stars every day for letting me find them. To be honest it’s kindof nice to have my mom around and my roommates and all of us being able to eat meals and hang out together.
So since I keep freaking myself out when left alone with too much time on my hands, I decided to play along with this meme that D has up.
Also, I’ll be honest the whole music in memes is really hard because my musical tastes change… ALL THE TIME. I mean seriously people, how do you pick a favourite song… of ever? I can’t. So you know, you get the song I’m listening to. And the artists I currently listen to most frequently.
And since everyone else seems to be commenting on their own, I guess I’ll comment on mine too. Sometimes I love my handwriting and other days I think it is messy and ridiculous. Today, I think it’s ok, it’s like it’s trying to hold itself together but is wavering a bit… just like me! har har har.
(click to see giant size!)
For the first time in my life I can truly say that I am a little bit terrified. And I’m not really sure if there’s anything that’s going to make me feel better. Normally I’m not scared of anything. Pretty much at all. But I am a little scared of having to have surgery and 6 months of rehab. In fact, I’m not really afraid of surgery at all. That part I’m ok with, what I’m scared of is that I won’t be responsible enough to do the rehab part correctly. I’m scared of being alone. I’m scared of trying to push myself too hard too fast because I do that a lot. I’m scared that somehow I will make this worse before I can make it better.
Thankfully as afraid as I am of being alone, I have a posse of truly amazing friends that I know are here for me. I always feel silly whenever I talk to one of them because they remind me that I’m not as alone as I feel. It’s just that I don’t need them right this minute so they’re not right here. But they will be when I do actually need them to help out. It is comforting to know that someone will be there to catch me when I fall.
2011, I have now started a list. I’m pretty sure I hate you. And it’s only the first week of March, which by the way is a few days shy of my birthday. Possibly worst year of all time: 1. MIA laptop. 2. stolen bike. 3. dead car. 4. torn ACL that requires surgery. (I’m not counting the crazy month of work crap because it’s too vague and hard to define). And let’s be honest we haven’t even made it a quarter of the way through the year. Clearly this is awesome. You know, generally I believe that life works out the way it’s supposed to. And sometimes bad things happen to good people so better things can come along. Right now, I’m *really* starting to question that.
I keep flipping from feeling really alone and really scared about having to even have surgery to being really angry at the world for all of this happening at once. Every time I keep thinking that this year is going to get better something happens that just makes it worse. I want to believe that that’s not true and that it will get better but for the first time in a very long time I’m having trouble hanging on to hope. I like to view the world through rose colored glasses. It is so much harsher through the cold clear view of reality.
Ok so not gonna lie, I have a thing for memes. And I was over at D’s blog when I saw that she had joined the bandwagon. So then I figured, what the hell? I’ll just jump on too.
In fact, in an unusually awesome transition.
1. I secretly *love* memes and quizzes. Honestly, and this is really embarrassing to admit, I joined a free dating website strictly because of all the quizzes and crap they have posted on there.
2. I have recently discovered this buffalo chicken sandwich thing at the local convenient store next to my house that I am slightly addicted to. It’s a little unhealthy how much I love these things. Also slightly concerning since I’m pretty sure nothing about them is even remotely natural. But seriously, so good. Total guilty pleasure.
3. When I was younger I kindof always dreamed that my grown up life would be really gay and really fun but I never actually expected it to happen. Like the fact that I’ve been *in* the pride parade for multiple years still amazes me. I’m pretty sure when I was little I was convinced that I would be married with 2.5 kids and being boring right now. Apparently some things do change.
4. Secretly I think I’m a giant. In real life I’m 5′, in my head I don’t even know what dimensions are but let’s just say most of my friends are male and over 6′ and somehow I believe I fit right in.
5. I have a problem with unread messages in my inbox. Seriously they freak me out, yo. And it scares me to look at inboxes that are “messy”. Also if I don’t respond to an email immediately after getting it, chances are it ain’t gonna happen unless it was really really important. Weird but true.
6. I have a chocolate problem. I’m not sure I really needed to confess this because anyone who knows me probably already knows this but… yeah, I have a chocolate problem.
1) Was 2010 a good year for you? Overall yes, there have been a lot of low points but I think good overall.
2) What was your favorite moment of the year? karaoke, I don’t know which time, but definitely karaoke
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? Crying for reasons I am choosing not to mention right now (because it still pisses me off that it was that upsetting).
4) Where were you when 2010 began? Keg stand.
5) Who were you with? I’ve made countless new friends all of whom have filled up my hours dearly!
6 ) Where will you be when 2010 ends? At Sidetrack in Chicago
7) Who will you be with when 2010 ends? Alisha, Brian and the awesome crew at Sidetrack.
8.) Did you keep your New Year’s resolution of 2009? I don’t know if I made a resolution in 2009 so I’m gonna go with no.
9) Did you break up with anyone in 2010? Thankfully that was not possible.
10) Did you make any new friends in 2010? Lots and lots!
11) Who are your favorite new friends? I’m going to say Brian because I live with him, but really I can’t choose out of all the really incredible people I met in 2010.
12) What was your favorite month of 2010? June – summer in Chicago is irreplacable, as is pride.
13) Did you go abroad in 2010? Totally, I love Europe!
14) How many different states did you travel to in 2010? Just Tejas and Massachusetts
15) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2010? Not that I recall.
16) Did you miss anybody in the past year? Of course, but I’d like to know who doesn’t miss anyone in an entire year.
17) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2010? Beats the hell outta me, so I’ll just go with the last movie I saw. How Do You Know – it’s pretty entertaining and I like chick flicks.
18) What was your favorite album from 2010? No idea, I liked a lot of stuff.
19) How many concerts did you see in 2010? Not a lot but I never go to big shows. The last I remember is Shannon Curtis
20) Did you have a favorite concert in 2010? See above.
21) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2010? Ha, that would be an understatement. I’m not sure I remember half of Jan/Feb (though I claim for good reason).
22) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2010? No drugs for me.
23) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Not that I recall, so I guess that’s a no.
24) What was the biggest lie you told in 2010? None that I remember.
25) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2010? Don’t know.
26) Did you treat somebody badly in 2010? Nope, I was even pretty nice to myself
27) Ddi somebody treat you badly in 2010? That’s questionable, I think
28) How much money did you spend in 2010? Within my budget… except for Europe, totally blew my budget there.
29) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2010? Oh good lord who knows with all the crazy nights out.
30.) What is one thing you did in 2010 that you’d never done before? Tried to run a marathon. Actually ran a half marathon and several races. (I’ve never run more than a mile and a half before).
31.) Did someone close to you give birth? Yep, a few. We’re at that age.
32.) What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? A relationship.
33.) What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? None.
34.) What was your biggest achievement of the year? I graduated from grad school
35.) What was your biggest failure? Didn’t finish the marathon, even though it was better for my health, I was still severely disappointed.
36.) Did you suffer illness or injury? Some injuries while training for the marathon.
37.) What was the best thing you bought? My ticket to Europe.
38.) Whose behavior merited celebration? My roomies have been amazing and my friends are great.
39.) Whose behavior made you appalled? I don’t want to think about it.
40.) Where did most of your money go? Europe
41.) What did you get really, really, really excited about? New apartment.
42.) Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or hardened? happier, infinitely
b)thinner or fatter? fatter and while I’m not happy about it’s probably a good thing
c) richer or poorer? poorer. lots of expenses.
43.) What do you wish you’d done more of? Having fun.
44.) What do you wish you’d done less of? Being sad about being single.
45.) How did you spend Christmas? With my mom and cousins in Round Top, Texas
46.) Did you fall in love in 2010? No, but I spent a considerable amount of time falling out of love.
47.) Any one-night stands? Yes.
48.) What was your favorite TV program? Grey’s Anatomy. (always)
49.) Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No.
50.) What was the best book you read? The elegance of the hedgehog
51.) What was your greatest musical discovery? Oh jesus, I don’t know, I spent most of 2010 listening to really awful pop music that I can dance to.
52.) What did you want and get? Fitter. I was in fantastic shape for the majority of 2010.
53.) What did you want and not get? A girlfriend
54.) What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I went to dinner by myself, which is exactly what I wanted to do on my birthday. Sometimes you need a day to be alone.
55.) What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Less heartache and being less of a workaholic.
56.) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? All over the place
57.) What kept you sane? My simply amazing friends. And a lot of hope.
58.) Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Uh no one.
59.) What song will always remind you of 2010? Bruno Mars – Marry you
60.) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010? I learned that human compassion and friendships are invaluable. That heartbreak never gets easier. And that you can never run out of hope because no matter how much it hurts today, it will get better if you let it.
61.) Quote a song lyric that sums up the year. “You can’t hurry love, you just have to wait. It don’t come easy, it’s a game of give and take.”