I Believe Men Can Do Better

One of the hottest topics in the news right now is the Stubenville rape case right now. And I am *so* tired of hearing about it. Not just because I feel that justice has not been served. Not just because I feel that the victim has been completely ignored and the rapists have been given way too much sympathetic attention. But also the outrage that is coming out keeps trying to identify how we must make men pay. Ok, well sure, I agree criminal acts should be punished.

However, the thing that I don’t hear anyone saying is what I want to say here. I have plenty of male friends, colleagues and relatives. Sure I can be snarky and say “oh well we’re all animals when it comes down to it” but do I actually believe that? No. I don’t. I believe that my male counterparts are sensible, smart, considerate human beings who are capable of making good decisions. I believe that my male counterparts can find willing sex partners if they so choose. That being the case, I don’t think there is ever a time when they need to force themselves on another person. This to me is the same as assault and battery. Similar to if i decided to shove my hand up some guy’s anus that was not a willing participant. That is a criminal act. Could I find someone that might find that kinky and awesome? Probably. So why is there so much discussion about rape and victim blaming and letting guys off the hook? I’m sorry, dudes, but it is our job to teach our young people right from wrong. Just because you have a penis doesn’t mean you get to shove it into other people without consequences. Similar to just because you have muscles doesn’t mean you should beat the shit out of the little nerdy dude in the school yard.

So can someone please explain to me when men became such instinctual, animal creatures who cannot control their impulses? Because the men I know are pretty capable of making decisions good and bad and they should be prepared to deal with the consequences of those decisions. Just like all other people. I believe that men can do better. And I think if we hold them accountable they will. But I’m tired of people trying to let them off the hook. And deflecting it toward the woman. The basic point of rape is this dude did a horrible thing, he should be held accountable. Same can be said for a woman who took advantage of a man. Rape goes both ways, you know. Clearly that is less commonly discussed but I think it goes back to how we believe people should be treated. So folks, next time you think about having sex with someone and you question whether they are interested or not (or they are unconscious/cannot put together coherent sentences) that would be a no. See, not that complicated. If you cannot explicitly prove consent, don’t do it. Because honestly, why do you want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with you?

And that was an unexpectedly brilliant idea

So last night I decided to make my lunch for the first time in… oh maybe forever. I don’t know probably more like 6 months but you get the idea. Anyway, I decided that I could throw a bunch of random things together and maybe just maybe it would work out ok. This morning however I was like this is a terrible idea. Having eaten my random snack bag, I take it back, that was brilliant. So here’s what I had:

Crepes (from smitten kitchen with minor modifications – one of my favorite food blogs):
2 tablespoons butter, melted and cooled slightly
1/2 cup whole milk
2 large eggs
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
Two pinches of salt
Few gratings fresh nutmeg
2 tablespoons honey

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and whisk thoroughly.

Preheat a medium skillet or crepe pan over medium-high heat. Once heated, brush pan lightly with melted butter or oil. Pour 1/4 cup batter into skillet, swirling it until it evenly coats the bottom and cook, undisturbed, until the bottom is golden and the top is set, about 2 minutes. Carefully flip and cook on other side for 5 to 10 seconds. Transfer wrapper to paper towel covered plate. I like to keep them warm by throwing them in the oven with the oven which i will have preheated to 200 and then turned off as I start inserting them in there. Continue with remaining batter.

Roasted Beets – peel, dice, toss with olive oil and a little salt throw in oven for like ~20mins at about 375.

Goat Cheese


Clearly all of these were in the fridge. So the basic premise is to assemble in sandwich like form using the crepes as a base. Heat in microwave. And bam! gourmet vegetarian lunch! 🙂

The Alphabet… sortof

As seen on DecoyBetty um a long while ago. But clearly I fail at blogging regularly. I do intend to update on my knee once I stop being mad at the fact that it has taken 10 weeks for me to start jogging. Not even running but jogging. Indoors. Back and forth. At physical therapy. I cannot explain how irritating that is.

A. Age: 28.

B. Bed size: Full.

C. Chore you dislike: Cleaning the toilet… oh and trash. but really the toilet. I have even gotten a maid to avoid dealing with it.

D. Dogs: I’m really more of a cat person. But puppies are adorable 🙂

E. Essential start to your day: Sunlight. I don’t believe a day is truly started unless there is sunlight… and this is why I can’t live on the East Coast.

F. Favorite color: GREEN! (and yes it does require all caps)

G. Gold or silver: Silver, definitely silver. In some instances I do like gold but those are few and far between.

H. Height: Definitively short. I’m 5′-5’1″ depending on who is measuring me. Though my driver’s license used to say 5’2″, apparently in Texas they believe anything you say.

I. Instruments you play(ed): Flute. for real and for a long time over 10 years. Guitar. poorly and self taught. Dabbled with trumpet, clarinet and piano. I was far more musical in my younger years.

J. Job title: Consultant

K. Kids: I like them long enough to give back.

L. Live: Chicago.

M. Mom’s name: Raka, apparently in my family we like R’s.

N. Nicknames: rhe-ra, rhe-rhe, rhae-rhae – it’s hard to have nicknames when your name is only one syllable

O. Overnight hospital stays: I’ve had them but I don’t remember, which is probably a good thing.

P. Pet peeves: Dirty dishes in the sink. For the love of god just do your damn dishes! Oh and rollerbladers who take up the bike path as if they own it – people, you know there are bikers and runners and even walkers that would love to *share* the path with you.

Q. Quote from a movie: “I’m gonna say the thing you’re not supposed to say, I love you but I love me more.” – Samantha, Sex & The City

R. Righty or lefty: Righty.

S. Siblings: The one and only.

T. Time you wake up: errr, 6:30ish. Depends on when I have physical therapy and the other days if I’m motivated enough to go to the gym before work.

U. Underwear: Typical cotton bikinis, but you know silk ones are fun too.

V. Vegetables you don’t like: Lettuce. Totally overrated. People are not rabbits.

W. What makes you run late: Forgetting things. Or that I run on Desi-Standard-Time… at least some variation thereof. 😉

X. X-rays you’ve had: Head, neck, wrist, ankle, knee, chest. I sound like I have a million problems but really some of them were because of the chiropractor and others due to sports, a few were health related precautions.

Y. Yummy food you make: Steak, cheese or chocolate souffle, creme caramel, lamb chops, butternut squash puree with maple syrup, lots of things!

Z. Zoo animal favorites: Anything in the cat family! Though pretty much anything that is either a baby or fuzzy will do.


Screw talking about my ACL (I mean ok, I will get back to it at some point) but more importantly let’s talk about something infinitely more serious…

I’m adopting kittens. They are the cutest little things I have ever seen. It’s a brother and sister pair, Monster (black and white) and Sassy (grey and white). I think I may be in love. (Not to mention Sassy looks just like my old cat, Ascot, that lives with my mom who I miss dearly but would kill me if I brought her to freaking cold Chicago.)

ACL Reconstruction Post-Op: Day 28

I’m off the brace. Finally! Though I almost cried yesterday when my PT said that even though she also hates my brace but I have to wear it while it’s snowing outside. (Yes, it was totally snowing in Chicago yesterday. Evil, I swear). BUT, now it’s gone!

Seriously, look at this sucker, it’s the most annoying thing on the planet.

However since it has been gone, I have some observations. Clearly it’s only been one day, I’m sure I’ll have more in the weeks to follow. So far the scar is weird and I have sympathy sensations on the left side… like if I scratch the right side of my scar I feel the nerves twitch on the left side. It’s kinda creepy but kinda awesome. I don’t really understand it but it works.

Beyond that I’ve noticed that I’m extraordinarily tired because I’m using my left a lot more today than I have been when I’m restricted in my brace. And my left glute is killing me. Clearly my quad is not engaging enough and I’m compensating for it in odd ways. I’m totally working on that. However it’s not an instantaneous process. Le sigh. But every day it gets a little better. And every day I see how much closer I am to being whole again. I can’t wait until I can start biking and running again!

ACL Reconstruction Post-Op: Day 20

So I got my stitches out. I am pretty sure no one except for me wants to see this but apparently my blog has now become my “after surgery journal” where I’m documenting everything. Getting the stitches out was *way* less exciting than I thought it would be and everyone whose had it done told me it would feel weird and there’s no better way to describe it. I didn’t believe them… but they’re right. It just feels weird. It doesn’t hurt, it just feels weird – for lack of a better word.

Anyway, before the stitches came out… see the awesome little blue bits. I know so attractive.

And then after.

And now 5 days later when it doesn’t look quite as bad.

What bugs me most about this whole process is that I typically get waxed pretty frequently and I dislike shaving intensely BUT I’m a little nervous about getting my legs waxed at the moment, like I just don’t know if I can do it. And to be perfectly honest, I’m actually a little freaked out about shaving my legs as well because I don’t want to mess with the stupid wound until it’s completely healed. Also I had to buy flats today because I only own one pair and I don’t think I’ll be able to wear heels for a long time. It’s really tragic.

ACL Reconstruction Post-Op: Day 14

So we finally made it to two weeks out. I’m officially relieved of my crutches – even with public transportation. And I’m out of the brace indoors just not outdoors because you never know what might happen. I’ve been told I need to walk “normally” because I’ve gotten used to limping around, so it’s now become a habit.

What is less exciting… the bruising. What they don’t tell you is that after you start walking around you have these ridiculous bruises all over your leg. Most predominantly around my ankles and lower shins. I swear this looks worse than when I came out of surgery. It’s ridiculous.

And I definitely didn’t have any on this side before:

And it’s true they do warn you that you can’t shower completely until your stitches are out but let me tell you, 2 weeks of not being able to wash your leg is like torture. I have to put my leg in a bag and then duck tape it to my leg so my wound doesn’t get wet and infected. It is so frustrating. The stitches come out tomorrow and I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited to be able to shower in my life.

ACL Reconstruction Post-Op: Day 7

So yesterday I went to my second PT session and I have been relieved of my crutches. Hell yeah b*!$#es! Ok so I normally don’t swear but I think this qualifies for being really happy. I seriously hate those crutches. Now I’m still carrying them around with me because i haven’t quite figured out how to get on/off a curb without them but I don’t need them for normal walking or for stairs. They’re more of a comfort right now in case I get really tired or find something really difficult to do.

So my mom has been taking care of me, which is really really nice of her. Sadly she went home today. Though while she was here she made a lot of fun of me because a few days ago the pain really stopped being all that bad and I started walking around again. But then yesterday I almost started crying because of this bruise that I have.

So mom thinks this is hilarious because I didn’t really complain at all about the pain right after surgery. I muscled through all of that just fine. And I even thought it was cool the progress I was making. Until these bruises showed up. I mean I guess I can admit that it is a little funny that the surface wounds make me cry but, you know, surgery doesn’t. I’m a weirdo, what can I say?

That said I think I’m actually healing up nicely. If you’ll believe it the bruises are way smaller. And I feel good about it.

ACL Reconstruction Post-Op: Day 4

So it’s Saturday morning after having had surgery on Tuesday. Overall I feel pretty good. The worst part I think is not being able to sleep consistently. I stopped taking pain killers yesterday and I don’t feel any worse for it so I think that’s a good decision. I am finally able to go up stairs by myself with just crutches. It’s nice that my roommates will still walk me up and down to make sure I don’t injure myself but I can’t tell you how amazing it feels to know that I can actually do at least part of it by myself.

They say that my knee looks really good for after surgery and that I can take the bandage off myself. Personally I think it looks way better with the bandage on than off.

Though they say the scars are healing well and the bandage still looks good on the wound itself so I guess that’s a good thing. I think it looks all gross and black and blue but it could be worse, I suppose.

The hardest part about surgery is not having your independence. To rely on people for a glass of water or food or pretty much anything is a major bummer. It’s been a real adjustment for me because I will get up fully intending on getting a glass of water just to sit back down again because I realize even though I am perfectly capable of walking to the kitchen and filling up a glass of water once I’m there, I can’t actually carry it back because I’m using crutches.

There is also this thing that I have to wear a billion times a day (no joke) that compresses and pumps ice water around my leg. It’s actually pretty cool (no pun intended). It’s called a “Game Ready” and it’s really useful to have around, I’m sufficiently impressed with how high tech and awesome it is. It’s the red thing in the corner of the picture below.

I’m really lucky that my mom came up to take care of me. Even though she isn’t the strongest person around it really really helps to have someone keep track of how much I have to ice and to make sure I eat food. She also helps keep track of how much pain medication I need and to make sure I do my exercises. I’d probably do them anyway but it’s nice to have someone around so that I don’t forget. And I have the best roommates ever who helped me up and down the stairs when I couldn’t manage on my own. They’re pretty much the best guys ever. I thank my lucky stars every day for letting me find them. To be honest it’s kindof nice to have my mom around and my roommates and all of us being able to eat meals and hang out together.


So since I keep freaking myself out when left alone with too much time on my hands, I decided to play along with this meme that D has up.

Also, I’ll be honest the whole music in memes is really hard because my musical tastes change… ALL THE TIME. I mean seriously people, how do you pick a favourite song… of ever? I can’t. So you know, you get the song I’m listening to. And the artists I currently listen to most frequently.

And since everyone else seems to be commenting on their own, I guess I’ll comment on mine too. Sometimes I love my handwriting and other days I think it is messy and ridiculous. Today, I think it’s ok, it’s like it’s trying to hold itself together but is wavering a bit… just like me! har har har.
(click to see giant size!)