Is This Really Necessary?

So I know my friend, D, just went through this recently where she went on the pill and was horrified by the resulting aftermath. I, too, decided that maybe I would give it a shot. My reasons are different from the majority of women on the pill. I typically don’t sleep with men so I’m not really concerned about getting pregnant. However my cramps can be a nightmare and I am an emotional disaster depending on the state of my hormones. Clearly, knowing that I’m an emotional disaster depending on the state of my hormones means I should try to fuck with them by using some synthetic ones. Clearly, I’m a genius.

Well anyway, the hype is that they help a lot. That said my first week with them was far from pleasant. It involved a lot of crying. Crying of the sobbing uncontrollably variety at work. And let me tell you it’s a little hard to explain why you’re sobbing uncontrollably when there’s really no reason other than my hormones are out of whack and that pen was the wrong color. Seriously, the blue was upsetting (or something equally trivial and stupid). That said things seem to have calmed down, I’m in the middle of week 3 and I’m still a little easier to tip over to the side of crying, which is super awkward cause I’m not really a crier, but it is getting a lot better.

Though I have to think, if this were something that effected men we wouldn’t be doing experiments on our own body right now. They’d have figured something better out instead of – well just wait it out and see what happens. I mean seriously, what kind of an answer is that. I am living in my own personal version of hell and you’re telling me that I just have to wait and see if I adjust. Do I get a refund on those 3 months of my life? Cause that would be stellar too. Anyway, at least I feel vindicated about some of the times when I do know that I’m just super on edge and it’s not *just* me. I suppose in a way that makes it worth it, though I’m not entirely sure just how.

Way To Alienate People, Captain Genius-pants

Ok has anyone else seen that article that’s been making it’s way around about the guy at Wellesley? Yes, the one where he talks about how Wellesley girls are whores etc. I know Jezebel isn’t exactly somewhere that I frequent but I found this posted on my facebook news feed and was absolutely horrified. Being a women’s college graduate I can understand that it is difficult for a man to live at a women’s college. I remember my first year when one of my friends came to visit me (Daniel is generally quite the ladies man) and even he was a bit intimidated and flustered. We can be quite a fierce and intimidating group when you put us all together in one teeny location, I’ll give you that. But my dear, I really don’t think it’s a brilliant idea to call your peers whores. I mean these are the women you have to see on a daily basis, it’s just not that bright. And if your chief complaint is that you aren’t getting laid then perhaps the label “whore” is a misnomer, I believe the word you’re looking for would be “prude” (which I doubt would win you many friends either but would, at least in my opinion, be a touch more acceptable). Also I believe that you’re missing the point entirely of doing an exchange if the only purpose of this is “to get laid”. I mean I’m sure it would be a nice bonus but I believe exchange programs were instituted so that you could learn in a different environment not to pick up girls. Then again, what do I know, I’m sure had he been at Mount Holyoke I would be just another one of those “whores”.

A Memo To Men

I’m going to take a page out of Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo’s “He’s Just Not That Into You” because after a recent night out it made me think that women are not the only ones that need to get the memo. In fact, I’d rather take the female approach and have someone stress out and wait for a phone call from me than to persistently pursue me when I’m not interested. Not all of these scenarios listed are ones that are applicable to my present life, but a few did just come up in the last week. And all of them are things that I have not only personally experienced but also have discussed with several of my friends and we all agree are incredibly annoying to deal with.

She’s just not that into you if…

  • she hasn’t called you back and you’ve called more than once.
  • you texted her more than once and have gotten no response.
  • you met her when she was out with someone else and she’s not calling you back.
  • she told you she is seeing someone.
  • she’s busy every time you want to go out.
  • she calls/chats online all the time but can’t make time to see you in person.
  • she goes home with you but doesn’t give you her phone number in the morning. (Yes, girls do this, too).
  • she won’t say yes when you ask her to marry you and you’ve asked multiple times.
  • she doesn’t want you to meet her friends.

I know girls can play hard to get. It’s true, we all do it at some point but seriously, stop calling. If we like you, I promise we’ll call you back. Yes, persistence can be a good thing. But calling every day when we aren’t responding back is just annoying.

Also as a good feminist, if I like someone, I don’t need you to ask me out. Yes it is always nice to have someone else ask you out because that whole pressure of rejection is taken away from you but honestly, not necessary. If I’m really interested, I’ll ask you out (which I realize may not be true for all women but I promise they will drop enough leading hints for you to get it). I have more faith in both men and women than both Greg and Liz, if you really like the person it doesn’t matter who asks whom out, you’ll be fine in the long run.

And let’s face it, we don’t need some arcane rules to tell us how we should be dating. In fact, we don’t need people to tell us how to “snag that girl/guy of your dreams”. Use some common sense. Treat the person you want to date the way you’d like to be treated, I think that’s a good cardinal rule. For example:

  • Would you want someone to call you every day for a week if you weren’t interested?
    No. Then don’t do it to someone else!
  • Would you want someone to ignore you and talk to their friends that happened to pass by when you’re on a date with them?
    No. Then don’t do it to someone else!

It’s amazing what a little common sense can do in the dating arena. Now if all you’re looking to do is hook up then obviously none of these things matter. But I promise calling every day will just make you look pathetic. Don’t do it. No one wants to sleep with someone whose desperate.

Is There A New First Lady Of Politics

Well Kirsten Gillibrand does seem to be making quite an impression. In fact I believe she has been in the New York Times every day since this past Saturday when I first read this piece on her. I know that there has been much skepticism amongst the Democrats of New York but considering the NY political scene isn’t exactly the kindest world I have to say I am impressed with her from what I have heard. She seems to be a woman of many talents and I respect that.

Quite frankly even being poster-child for the NRA doesn’t bother me because she actually has valid reasons behind it, perhaps not reasons I agree with or viewpoints that I care for but I appreciate that she can justify them. I also like that she’s ambitious and spunky and at ease in the city and the country. That’s a great thing to have in a Senator. I have high hopes for the new Junior Senator from New York. And I’m excited about what she may be able to accomplish. It’s great to have another woman fill Hillary’s shoes, an accomplished woman at that who has earned her way into the seat and did not have it handed to her as it would have to Caroline Kennedy. Not that Caroline Kennedy isn’t smart but really I don’t see how her credentials could have stood. I’m glad to have a woman who actually has made a concerted effort to work her way into such a position.

Feminist != Idiot

It seems to me that the Republican party thinks that all feminists are idiots (in case you’re not a geek such as myself the title translates to Feminist “does not equal” Idiot). However, I do believe it is quite the opposite. I know that I have made it perfectly clear in the past that I have been very luke-warm about Obama’s candidacy. Being a Democrat and without any better options I would most likely have voted for him anyway but I wasn’t going to go out canvassing for him or talking about what a great candidate he is. That was until Sarah Palin entered the political arena.

Now, I am not unique, quite a few of my friends have been less than excited since Hillary tragically did not break the last and highest glass ceiling out there but we were complacent with the Obama-Biden ticket. This development with Sarah Palin has sent us screaming at the top of our lungs, just because we are women does not mean we will stand behind a woman who does not share a single value in common with us. If we were luke-warm about Obama before, I know many of us are ready to hit the streets to canvas for him now. It’s amazing the kind of turn-around people can have when struck in the face with a truly frightening candidate.

I mean let’s consider the facts about Sarah Palin:
– She believes in creationism, which is fine by me believe whatever you want at home, but do not put an unproven non-scientific theory into my schools. You are free to not believe in evolution but I do think that it should be taught as it does have a very distinct place in science and without it we, Americans, continue to look like uneducated neanderthals.
– She believes in abstinence-only sex-ex, clearly that’s worked well. I’m sure Bristol Palin was practicing that when she got pregnant.
– She believes that abortion should be banned regardless of cause or implications of pregnancy.
– Her husband belongs to the Alaskan Independence Party that wants to secede from the union and she supports him in that.
– She believes that more drilling will solve the current crisis around oil, regardless of the fact that we *know* that oil is a limited natural resource and we really are just running out.
– She believes that destroying our natural habitat does not have any effect on the planet, global warming is clearly just liberal jargon.
– She went to four different schools (one of them twice) in six years to graduate with a Bachelor’s degree in journalism, yet oddly enough no one at any of the schools can seem to remember her.
– She truly believes that the economic crisis can be fixed by focusing on the small business that “drive” America like that belonging to her family in Alaska.
– Her only political experience is in a state that is not even the size of lower Manhattan and she has no experience on an International scale and in fact has even said she has never thought about foreign policy before.

Now I want to know how many feminists who were supporting Hillary really feel that any of those characteristics listed above would be appealing. For one, Hillary Clinton was very prominent in her college and graduate career as a student and while that may not be the only mark of a great person it is a tribute to her intelligence. I find it disturbing that not even a single professor has a remark about Sarah Palin, it doesn’t matter where you went to school or how long it took you to graduate but certainly remarkable people are remembered for their intelligence. And I, for one, would like to have a remarkable person be in charge of running this country (or even being second in command). Secondly, Hillary Clinton is a senator from a very significant state and has had significant experience with International politics, which is critical for the position of Vice President. How can anyone be expected to take Sarah Palin seriously if she cannot think on a global scale? Let’s face it people, being governor of Alaska isn’t exactly the greatest qualifier out there. I mean to put it simply it’s like saying the manager of your local Walgreens should become the CEO overnight because that’s a good idea.

Perhaps I’m biased but I don’t really believe that Sarah Palin believes a lot in thinking too hard and that is not something I find particularly attractive in a highly public political figure. In fact, I find it wildly distressing to think that someone who may have the possibility of becoming president would be like that. She stands for everything that feminists have fought against. Gloria Steinem, Eve Ensler and Tim Wise have all actually made equally valid points about her view points that I happen to agree with and are perhaps more eloquent than myself.

Sometimes this election makes me think that America is one giant high school and we’re trying to elect our prom king and queen. Clearly the beauty queen has been making her mark and it seems there sure are a lot of people that love her but I’d like to point out that this is not a beauty pagent nor is it a popularity contest. We are electing these people to lead our country and we are currently in a phenomenal economic crisis and we have a war that has been going poorly for years and no end in sight for either of those two. I don’t know about you, but I, personally, would like the most intelligent people I can think of to try and navigate us around those two very significant road blocks. Someone who has not shown much thought for either of those things until the last few weeks, such as Sarah Palin, isn’t really someone I want to trust with that future.

Faltering Feminism

Yesterday I read this beautiful article by Susan Faludi, who I know can be extreme at times but this was really worth reading. It is called Second-Place Citizens and is an Op-Ed in the New York Times. I recommend reading it because it actually gives some really good insight into why there are so many women that have gotten so upset over the Democratic primaries. I, for one, am part of those women who feel like our voices are not being heard and who fear for feminism. In fact, today at work two of my coworkers were talking about Hillary’s speech at the DNC last night and I knew that one of them had not heard it and was just speaking with the same vitriol that we’ve been hearing in the media for months now. The best part is when I bring that up they can’t speak because obviously the things they have to say are inappropriate for work. It is so frustrating to continue to live in a misogynistic country and yet have everyone in denial about it. The worst part is that *so* many women today choose to ignore this and therefore men are not held accountable. When will we learn that the battle for equal rights is not over? In fact it’s not even close.
Sadly it is people like those that I work with who make me consider voting for Ralph Nader yet again, there is a man whose values I can stand behind. Who lives up to what he believes in. Who is not a part of the political machine. Despite what Barack Obama touts he has been an extremely successful politician working within the framework of the Democratic party’s politics. If it weren’t for Hillary’s call to vote for Obama, I wouldn’t give this a second thought, my vote would be for Nader. But if she can so gracefully step down and give such a beautiful speech I will consider the Democratic nominee. I am far from blindly accepting because on principle I surely do not approve misogyny or the dog-whistle tactic that Obama used in the primaries but she made a good point about whether I really want another Republican in the White House for another 4 years. It’s a tough call, the future of the country or continued misogyny. More than likely I suppose I will side with continued misogyny but it is severely disappointing to have to make that choice.