So I’ve decided experiments on your own body are a horrible idea. So if you recall I started the pill about 3 months ago and I thought I was getting better somewhere around the beginning of month 2. I take that all back. I have been horribly depressed and crying pretty much all the time. For no reason whatsoever. Clearly I should be better at observing this but I’m pretty convinced that this is just not working out for me. I’ve given it 4 months and if going through a little stress called moving is enough to have me have an all out nervous breakdown it’s not ok. And I just started crying because I can’t turn off the fan. No, I’m not joking. I really did start crying because I couldn’t turn off the fan and I’m cold. Not that you know, I couldn’t just get a blanket or put on a sweater. But no, crying because I couldn’t turn off the fan. Clearly the world is ending. I really understand what D was talking about now because I feel miserable. And I have felt like this for way too long in a really unhealthy way. There has to be a better solution. I just wish that not every solution takes 3 months to figure out. I mean seriously?
Tag: personal
More Than Just Running
I know I sound like a deranged lunatic with all my running updates and sometimes am less than coherent about it. But it’s because for me it’s more than just running. I’m not doing this just because I want to run a marathon. In fact, I totally made fun of both of my group-mates in my econ class just a year ago because they were training for the marathon and were clearly on their way to injury but still running anyway. I just didn’t get it at the time, I do not have that desire to run. And while I like running. It keeps me in great physical shape and I’m happier and healthier having it in my life, it is not my passion. By a long shot.
Let’s be honest, I’m happiest curled up in bed with a good book doing absolutely nothing. I love sports, I enjoy running and I enjoy being physical but they are certainly not the first things that I think of when I think of things that make me happy. I am one of those people where it requires some amount of effort to do those things. So this whole fitness regimen has been a challenge for me. Mentally and physically. Actually I think more mentally than anything else.
So the real reason I’m running… because cancer has touched my life by affecting several people that I love dearly. And when I say family it’s not just about being related by blood there are so many people that have touched my life that aren’t related by blood. It’s my friends, exes, people I’ve known forever and those I haven’t known for very long. It’s the people who touch your life regardless of whether they stay for a long time or are a brief glimmer of light; it’s those people who change you, who will forever be a part of you, that I consider to be part of my “family” too. So I run for Team in Training as a part of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society because in some small way I feel like I’m doing my part to help. And at the end of the day there is so little I can actually do that this is my way to try and advocate for a cause I believe in desperately. So I babble about my shoes and my injuries and how much all of it irritates me. And how I got a tattoo in the middle of my training because that was a brilliantly well thought out plan. (I know, sometimes I’m an idiot). Because I have to keep running. I simply do.
Why Am I Doing This Again?
So my roommate and I are moving, which I am actually pretty excited about. We’ve found a gorgeous new apartment and I’m looking forward to decorating and getting all our stuff into it. What I’m not so into, is the actual move itself. We started moving this past weekend and the only thing running through my head is “Why am I doing this to myself again?”. I mean I have been at my current apartment for a long time (for me). And this new place is really just awesome. And I have been really ready for some sort of change to take place. I know not everyone is like this but I’m not much of a person to set down roots and since I like Chicago enough to not want to run away from the city and look for another job on another continent or at least another state, moving apartments seems to suffice. Also, I find moving to be a cleansing process. Out with the old, in with the new and a time to make changes in your life. Some will stick, some will not but it’s a good time to just reset everything. While I do think there are a lot of positives to this move, I really just wish it were overwith and that lifting heavy things were not so painful. Or that there were some magic fairies that would do it for me. Sadly, this is not a fairytale and I’m pretty sure we just have to suck it up and deal.
Running Travails
So I keep semi-hurting myself. I don’t want to say injuring because technically I am not injured, which is really the only thing I am clinging on to right now. But I’m hurting. Pretty badly. And I’ve at least narrowed it down some. I seem to hurt only after extremely long runs. Or after I’ve done sprints (or soccer, which is essentially the same thing). Now I actually managed to figure this out after I did a 5k this weekend where I had been mentoring these kids to teach them how to run. So my running buddy for the race is this absolutely adorable 5yr old with crazy amounts of energy. But my little buddy is not so good at listening to advice about pacing so he took off at breakneck speed as soon as the race started. And continued to do pretty freakin’ fast sprints for the first mile, even a bit of the next half mile. We finally slowed down to a more normal run/walk for the last half of the race. But let me tell you by the end of that set of sprints my knee was *killing* me. On the bright side at least I know the causes and how to avoid it or at least try to avoid it.
Anyway so I’ve been in physical therapy for a few weeks and I have this giant bruise on my leg. My PTs have been doing “deep tissue massage” on my IT band because apparently that’s what’s been causing all my knee problems. You’d think this is great… not so much it’s more like Chinese water torture. And now it just hurts to touch or lie on my thigh, which is *awesome*. (not).
Though on the not so sucky side my PTs also have me doing some pretty awesome yet somewhat difficult exercises and routines. The best part is they totally make comments while I’m trying to go through the exercises/stretches they give me. Today one of the guys was like, you know I think y’all gave her every single thing that everyone hates to do. And I’m thinking to myself, “Gee thanks guys, I appreciate being the guinea pig of torture treatment”. On the bright side I’m getting some really awesome core workouts that I don’t think I would ever inflict on myself. And I’ve learned some pretty good stretches. And I actually feel like I’m getting stronger and I feel like I can actually see the effects of all of it on my body, which is great. Like my upper abs look amazing, now if my lower abs didn’t look like jello we’d be all set. So all of these things are definitely good, it just comes with a lot of pain and hard work. I can’t decide if it’s great or if I hate it. Either way I’ve got another 2 weeks left and I am going to try to make the best of it. (I’m almost tempted to ask for more. Yes, I am a bit of a masochist, always have been a lil’ bit).
Mystery Tooth
So about 4 years ago in a moment of brilliance I decided to get all 4 of my wisdom teeth taken out at once. It was painful and I couldn’t eat and it basically sucked a lot. But I was like ok well at least it was all at once and now it’s all over. Wrong again.
Just yesterday I noticed that my mouth was a little sore and my gum was super tender and OH MY GOD! DO I FEEL BONE?! Why yes, in fact I do. I feel another tooth coming in. Right where I had another one removed 4 years ago! SERIOUSLY!? How is that even possible?! Suffice to say I am not thrilled. In fact, I’m so far away from thrilled I can’t even describe because last time all of my teeth were impacted and required oral surgery. I am *not* looking forward to going through *that* again.
A TV Show Should Not Define My Life
However sometimes it does make me question my own thinking. So I was watching “How I Met Your Mother” this evening, let me preface this by saying I’ve never seen it before but it comes highly recommended by my friend, D. So anyway D is always talking about Ted and how much she loves him etc. That’s not really the point. Anyway, as I’m watching this show about Ted who is pretty much just looking for love through this whole show and I wonder how long you can hold on to the hope of meeting someone perfect.
Perhaps it’s some combination of my cynicism coupled with my hopeless romantic side that keeps me in a constant state of being torn over this. I truly believe there is someone out there that is right and it just takes time to find that person. And no matter how many times you break up or how many things go wrong that if it is meant to be it will be. But how do you know which one is right? I’ve seen so many relationships that I would kill myself if I were in it. However, I’ve also had my own fair share of unhealthy. And I’d like to believe that I know better than that but sometimes I question myself. When do you know that someone is right or wrong? How long does it take? And is it ever too late? I get torn by all of these questions because I know couples that are perfect for each other that broke up for years and are either married now or are getting married. And then there are those couples that broke up and should’ve stayed broken up but didn’t or the ones that never should’ve gotten together. How do you know which side you fall on?
I guess the moral of this post is… ok maybe there is no moral and I’m up later than I normally am thinking about things I shouldn’t. That said, cynicism and all my inner hopeless romantic always wins. I do believe that when you know, you just know. And the right person is out there. Sometimes you just have to wait it out and make a lot of mistakes before you get there. At least my life is more interesting for all the chaos that persists in it because of my mistakes.
Learning To Run
You know, running doesn’t seem like something that is initially incredibly complex but now that I’m training for a marathon I think there is a lot more to running than just putting one foot in front of the other. Such a huge part of training is a mental game, just being able to tell yourself that you can do it. First of all, I don’t consider myself a runner because I’m slow and I just don’t think of myself as a runner. I first started running any meaningful distance (read: more than a mile… ok actually it was like 3ish) in April when a coworker asked me to start running outside with her and to do a 5k. I have these trusty old running shoes that I have come to love a lot.
Since I started training for my marathon these shoes have served me really well but they’ve got a lot of miles on them now. And recently I’ve heard a lot of talk about these new shoes. Ones that are the closest thing to running barefoot. So I’ve decided to take the plunge and give them a try. I haven’t run in them yet, obviously since you can still see the tags.
As much as I deny being a runner and saying how much I dislike it, it’s seriously addictive. After I did my 5k I followed it with a 10k a few weeks later and then a half marathon about 3 weeks after the 10k. This was a pretty poorly planned set of races for someone who isn’t a runner. However, it did make me see that I really like running, it’s challenging in some great ways but it’s also difficult to run the much longer distances by yourself. I find running about 6 miles by myself is a great challenge and I like doing it alone. But the longer distances pretty much anything upwards of 10 miles is really really difficult for me to get through without help. So I am extraordinarily glad that I discovered Team in Training because not only do I have a great group of people that I run with, I am reminded that I’m not just running for my health or to challenge myself but also to help all those people who are battling cancer. I’m doing what I can to make a difference in the world. Perhaps it’s in a very small way but it is what I can do. It also reminds me to appreciate the journey I’m on. Life is one great journey and there is always something new around the corner and you never know what you find.
Is This Really Necessary?
So I know my friend, D, just went through this recently where she went on the pill and was horrified by the resulting aftermath. I, too, decided that maybe I would give it a shot. My reasons are different from the majority of women on the pill. I typically don’t sleep with men so I’m not really concerned about getting pregnant. However my cramps can be a nightmare and I am an emotional disaster depending on the state of my hormones. Clearly, knowing that I’m an emotional disaster depending on the state of my hormones means I should try to fuck with them by using some synthetic ones. Clearly, I’m a genius.
Well anyway, the hype is that they help a lot. That said my first week with them was far from pleasant. It involved a lot of crying. Crying of the sobbing uncontrollably variety at work. And let me tell you it’s a little hard to explain why you’re sobbing uncontrollably when there’s really no reason other than my hormones are out of whack and that pen was the wrong color. Seriously, the blue was upsetting (or something equally trivial and stupid). That said things seem to have calmed down, I’m in the middle of week 3 and I’m still a little easier to tip over to the side of crying, which is super awkward cause I’m not really a crier, but it is getting a lot better.
Though I have to think, if this were something that effected men we wouldn’t be doing experiments on our own body right now. They’d have figured something better out instead of – well just wait it out and see what happens. I mean seriously, what kind of an answer is that. I am living in my own personal version of hell and you’re telling me that I just have to wait and see if I adjust. Do I get a refund on those 3 months of my life? Cause that would be stellar too. Anyway, at least I feel vindicated about some of the times when I do know that I’m just super on edge and it’s not *just* me. I suppose in a way that makes it worth it, though I’m not entirely sure just how.
My Life As Depicted By Someone Else
So I don’t really read blogs. Yes, I realize that it is strange that I have a blog but I don’t really read them. Actually let me qualify that last statement, I read my friends’ blogs so I know what’s going on in their lives. That aside, I don’t blog that much and I really don’t read too many blogs. Every once in a while, I’ll find something funny and I’ll follow it for a short spurt but it rarely tends to last in the long-term (unless of course I know you in real life – apparently even though I am an IT person I’m not really an internet-y person).
Anyway, the point of this post is my friend (somewhat) recently sent me this link. On first glance, I thought to myself, “Oh she’s pretty funny and this could totally be my life. Haha.” And then June happened.
So I graduated from grad school in June and I thought to myself, “Ok, Rhea, maybe it is time to be a real adult and you know, clean and stuff.” So I balanced my checkbook, paid all my bills, cleaned the whole apartment, watered my bamboo (it’s a miracle that thing is still alive) and actually got groceries. It was amazing, it was like I was a real adult. And I thought to myself, surely I can keep this up now that I’m not in grad school. That was my first mistake. As depicted in said blog entry there was this little downward spiral from my first self congratulatory remark which lead to last weekend where I spent the whole weekend in bed and consumed ice cream and chocolate. Clearly I am totally an adult and capable of making good life decisions consistently. Sigh, it’s sad how well I relate to that post.
My Favourite Fast Meal
Ok so I don’t cook a lot but when I do, I really do care that it has to be something good. And generally it can’t take too long or be too involved. Because let’s face it, I’m impatient and I always feel like I don’t have enough time to do anything overly involved. Not to say I can’t, but I generally choose not to. However, I believe I have perfected the 15min meal.
So today, I have the day off, it’s the day after Independence Day and I really really wanted chili cheese fries. However, I am also sick and have been feeling on/off like crap all weekend. So I opted for something slightly healthier that really only takes 15mins to cook. (Yes, I timed it, it’s 15mins on the dot.)
This really is my go-to when I want something fast and easy and tasty to make. It’s so ridiculously simple and half the time I have most of the ingredients in the house anyway. (At least, if I’ve gone grocery shopping in the recent past that is.) So here’s how you make it.
Orzo with Spinach, Pine Nuts, Tomatoes and Feta
Orzo
1 bag spinach
cherry/grape tomatoes (depends on your fancy)
crumbled feta
a handful of pine nuts
1.5tbsp olive oil (I like extra virgin)
Red chili pepper flakes
Crushed basil (or you can substitute all spice for this)
Boil the orzo until it is tender – or to the point where you would typically want to eat it.
In a large saucepan heat the oil until it is quite hot. Add in the red chili pepper flakes and crushed basil (or all spice). Add in the pine nuts. Brown the pine nuts and lower the heat. Add in the spinach. Cook until the spinach is completely wilted. Add the completely boiled orzo. Turn off the heat. Throw in the tomatoes and feta on top. Mix it together and ready to serve.
Broiled Lollipop Lambchops
2 lollipop lambchops
Worcestershire sauce
Garlic salt
Preheat oven to broil.
Cover the lamb chops in Worcestershire sauce and sprinkle garlic salt generously over both sides of the chops. Then place the chops on a broiling pan. Leave on one side for about 7-10mins. Then flip over to the other side for another 5-7mins depending on the size and how well you’d like them cooked through.
These were done for ~15mins, they’re about medium size to keep a great medium rare finish.